


i'd get lost in space with you

by TimmyJaybird



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, M/M, Oral Sex, Trans Character, Vaginal Sex, a series of ficlets, and overcoming it, everyone else's appearances are much more minor, ftm Keith, pinning, pre and current canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 06:38:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7834108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimmyJaybird/pseuds/TimmyJaybird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keith never expected to fall so hard for someone as he did Shiro. He never expected to find support in someone they way he did in Shiro.</p><p>He never expected to lose someone like he lost Shiro.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a closer look

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posting from my tumblr! This was originally a series of ficlets, but I've decided to compile them here as well. You might find the gaps and jumps between chapters a bit inconsistent, because of that- so, sorry!
> 
> We start pre-canon.

Keith stared, felt like his insides were completely flipping, trying to reassemble in an entirely different layout inside of him. He tightened his hands into fists, and only then realized as he felt dizzy he was forgetting to _breathe_.

He sucked in a breath, forced his mouth shut when he realized it was open. A quick glance around told him that no one else had realized his stupor, _and he was glad for it_.

The cause of it was the man- fellow _student_  in the training module, demonstrating for his classmates the best way to move should there be a malfunction in a ship’s gravity stabilizer. They all knew, at this point, how to move in low gravity- but in _high_  gravity, they did not.

The guy was sweating, and Keith wondered how much pressure the room was putting on him. It was showing on his white tank top, on his broad shoulders and down well defined arms that had Keith _shivering_. Instinctively, he squeezed his thighs together, folded his arms and gripped his biceps and told himself to get a _grip_. Just an upperclassman, probably getting ready for a real mission. Someone who wouldn’t _notice_  him.

“We need a volunteer,” the instructor was saying, “to join Shiro in the module.”

_Shiro, huh_  Keith smiled. He swore he’d heard that name before- around the Garrison. And maybe because he was a _top cadet_  himself, because he always had a little prove, he raised his hand, forcing himself to stand tall so his instructor would notice him.

Maybe he just wanted an excuse to get a little closer.

“Kogane!” the instructor yelled, nodding with a smile. “Get in there boy.” Keith shoved past his classmates, walking up to the front of the room. A door was opened for him, and he stepped into the small intermediate chamber. “The gravity will increase for the next thirty seconds,” his instructor said through the intercom. “When it’s at an equilibrium with that in the module, the door will open.”

Keith nodded, let his hands rest on his sides. He could do this, he was sure. He spent enough time training not only for his classes, but in off hours, that he should be able to handle his own body weight _intensified_  a bit.

He could feel it, the way his shoulders suddenly felt heavier and heavier, how his knees wanted to give. He held firm, until a light blinked green in front of him, and the door opened.

He took a step- eager and wide, and instantly _regretted_  it. His arms went out slightly to help keep his balance, and he forced himself to take another, another, until he was inside the module.

The other student, _Shiro_ , had stopped his own movements, was watching him with these dark gunmetal eyes that Keith swore he’d never seen the likes of before. Keith held firm where he was, as the instructor spoke into the intercom, “Up the ladder, about fifteen feet, you’ll find a faulty fuse box. I need you both to rewire it.”

Keith glanced at the ladder, and _dreaded_  the idea of climbing up it. As it was, he swore his body had gotten even _heavier_ , and that they were gradually increasing the gravity. It was already making him sweat.

He watched Shiro take careful steps towards the ladder, grabbing it when he reached it. Keith inhaled deeply, forced himself towards it.

“I’m Shiro,” the guy offered, smiling- and how _did_  he smile when it felt like Keith’s ribs wanted to cave in? “Much experience with increased gravity?”

“None,” Keith admitted, and Shiro nodded.

“Okay. The key is to take it slow. Keep a steady rhythm. You stop moving for too long and you don’t wanna start up again- but if you move too much you run out of energy.” He nodded towards the ladder. “You first- I can catch you, if you fall.”

That line shouldn’t have made Keith’s palms sweat the way it did.

He nodded, grabbed the ladder in both hands and took a step up. His legs flexed in his sweatpants, and Keith was silently _glad_  he’d been toning the muscle there more lately. He began a slow ascension, taking his time with each step, all too aware of the sweat on his spine, trying to soak through his oversized tshirt. By the time Shiro was on the ladder behind him, Keith swore he was having trouble breathing.

He regretted wearing his binder, in that moment. He was fairly small chested, had a few sports bras that compressed enough that in his workout clothes, baggy as the shirts were, his chest would go unnoticed.

He paused a few rungs away, sucking in a breath, his ribs aching. He couldn’t get them to expand the way he wanted, not with the tight fabric compressing his chest along _with_  the added gravity.

“You okay?”

Shiro, just behind him, face level with Keith’s calves.

He wasn’t, but he _had_  to be. He let go of the ladder with one hand, offered a thumbs up, and continued climbing, until he was level with the fuse box. There was a ledge next to him, but he didn’t know if eh had the strength to actually hoist himself over to it. Figured he’d run out of breath part way through-

“I’m going to climb over you,” Shiro offered, hands holding the ladder near Keith’s thighs now, “so I can get on that ledge. Just hang tight.”

Keith nodded, felt Shiro brush against him as he got a fot on a run between Keith’s legs. His chest brushed Keith’s back, hands grabbing the ladder by his shoulders- and Keith felt light headed.

It wasn’t entirely from his trouble breathing, and he _knew_  it.

Shiro shifted, reaching for the ledge as he was half on the ladder. He grabbed a hold of one of the handles on the wall, and Keith _felt_  the way his body shifted and dragged away from him, watched as Shiro hoisted himself up onto the ledge. The movement of the muscles in his shoulders, back, and arms had Keith biting his lip.

Shiro turned, facing the fuse box, as Keith forced himself up the last few steps so he could reach it as well. He pulled it open, and Shiro leaned over, looking at the wiring.

“You know this layout?” he asked, and Keith took a moment to study it, before he nodded.

“Yeah, it’s a basic circuit really. We learned how to interrupt these to switch out fuses back as entry cadets.” He pointed to a wire, tracing it towards the blown fuse. “This controls lights. No big deal if we move it- but save it for last because we wanna see. This one,” he pointed to another, “would represent electric current to the air recycling vents. That one we have to move first and we’ve got about thirty seconds to get it plugged into another power source, before the system fails and we would ultimately suffocate.”

Shiro flashed a smile at Keith, this proud and _impressed_  sort of kind, that had Keith wanting to shiver. “Well then, get to it wonder boy.”

Keith bit at his tongue, told himself he could mull over _that_  later, and took a look at the second fuse. “The second one is worn,” he offered, “it won’t handle the stress of extra support for long, You got more than one spare fuse in your kit?” Shiro tugged at the small pack strapped over one shoulder, opening it- and sure enough, he had a few.

Keith plucked one out, held it between his teeth as he held the ladder with one hand, the other moving quickly. He tugged the first wire free and quickly plugged it back into the second fuse, before unplugging the wire for the lights. For a moment, the module went dark- but the lights flickered to life when Keith plugged it into the second fuse-

Except, they didn’t _stop_  flickering, and a few moments later the module was cast in darkness.

“Your fuse has overloaded and failed, cadets,” the instructor spoke through the intercom. Keith groaned, plucking the fuse from between his teeth and fumbling in the dark. He couldn’t _see_ , but the layout was basic, was something he’d memorized for exams plenty of times.

He pulled out the old fuse, holding it in his palm and rolling the new one to the front, tucking it into place. He heard a little _click_ , as a timer in his head told him _fifteen seconds_. Half way to suffocation.

He reachedfor the wires, tugged out both at the same time. He could just make out their different colors, and plugged in the one for the air first, before the lights followed. The momentthey were connected, the lights flickered back to life, and Keith turned, holding out the burnt out fuse to Shiro-

Who was smiling at him _fondly_ , impressed and proud and honestly the sort that made Keith almost lose his hold on the ladder.

“I… I need another fuse,” Keith managed, and Shiro took the one from his hand, stashing it in the bag and passing off another, pressing it right to Keith’s palm.

The second change was easy, and the climb down the ladder easier than the ascend. Keith headed down with Shiro above him, and made the mistake of glancing up, watching the way his thick thighs strained, the swell of his ass-

He promptly made a point to stare at his hands, as they gripped the ladder, instead.

He and Shiro stepped into the small intermediate chamber, just as Keith was getting light headed again. His chest was aching, and he reached up, wrapped one arm around it, trying to suck in a breath, as the door shut. The system made a small noise, as the pressure began to lift.

“You alright?” Shiro asked, and Keith forced a nod- couldn’t _explain_  why he was having trouble breathing. Couldn’t out himself when he’d worked so damn hard to make sure no one _knew_.

“Just… trouble breathing.” He sucked in a breath, and Shiro bent over, got Keith’s arm up over his shoulders.

“Lean on me,” he offered, “and just focus on breathing. The pressure will be normal in about a minute.” Keith _did_ , leaned into one well muscles arm and focused on forcing his chest to expand, sucking in as much as he could. The pressure slowly lessened, until it felt _normal_ , and the door in front of them was hissing, unlocking.

Keith pulled away, just as the door opened and they stepped out, to the sound of applause from the other cadets. The instructor grinned, clamping a hand down on Keith’s shoulder and squeezing.

“Good job cadet,” he offered, “reminding _everyone_  why you’re top of your class.” The hand moved, and the instructor was releasing everyone else. Keith sighed, raked a hand back through his outgrown hair, before he felt a hand on the middle of his back.

He turned, and Shiro smiled at him. “That was impressive. Most students get too distracted by the gravity change to deal with the fact that the second fuse shorted out. Or even handle properly trying to change the first.” Shiro laughed, adding, “My first time? I dropped the first good fuse and then plugged the wires in wrong.”

“Really?”

“Really.” The hand remained on his back, warm and solid. “Listen, I’m going to clean up and get some lunch. You doing anything?”

Keith shook his head- he _wasn’t_. He had planned on studying before heading to his flight class, that evening.

“You hungry? I could use the company.” Keith nodded, and Shiro grinned, took his hand back.

“Cafeteries in fifteen? Lemme grab a quick shower.”

“Make it twenty,” Keith said, thinking he really needed to lock himself in his room for a good few minutes and take his binder off, make sure he was cleared to put it back on without _hurting_  himself.

“You got it…” Shiro paused, then added, “You know, I never got your name.”

“Keith,” Keith offered, clearing his throat. “It’s Keith.”

Shiro nodded. “Okay Keith, I’ll see you in twenty- and good work.” Another smile, and Shiro was walking off, leaving Keith to stare.

And wonder how the _hell_  he was going to keep form making a fool of himself over lunch.


	2. we don't deserve you down here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, if anyone is curious, I know the show claims they’re all teenagers, but… I’m gonna work with the Garrison being a trade school you’d be attending after high school, so that everyone is much closer to/in their 20s.

Keith tapped his pen, eyes skimming down the page he was reading. The library was _blissfully_  quiet, which he appreciated. Any of the commons areas were always teeming with noise, and even his own room was too loud for him to try and concentrate. His roommate had taken up some new video game and was _constantly_  yelling at it, instead of studying.

Not that he minded being here. It was open enough that, even with the few other students mulling about, he _felt_  alone. He liked that. He needed space, and sometimes it was just impossible to get that here.

“Hey stranger.”

Keith glanced up at the voice, found Shiro standing at his small table, smiling at him. That lazy and pleasant smile that constantly had Keith’s belly seizing up.

“Hi,” Keith offered, pausing the tapping of his pen.

Shiro glanced at the chair opposite Keith. “Mind some company?”

Keith shook his head, as if he suddenly forgot the fact that he had wanted to get _away_  from everyone by coming here. Shiro sat down, reaching up and unzipping his uniform jacket, showing off the black shirt he was wearing beneath. Keith felt his leg suddenly twitch, like he needed to _move_  to make sure he didn’t stare.

“Studying?” Keith shrugged a shoulder, trying to remain calm.

“Homework, I guess,” he gestured towards the books, and Shiro leaned across the table, pulling one of the open ones towards him and glancing at it, before his brow furrowed.

“You told me you were training to be a pilot.” Keith nodded. “…This is an advanced engineering book.”

“Yeah well… makes sense to know a bit of everything. Never know what’s going to happen out there.” Keith left out that immersing himself in studies gave him something to _do_  with himself. He didn’t make friends, didn’t _have_  friends, didn’t have a family outside these walls- didn’t have anywhere to go, and this gave him a _purpose_.

Well, he _hadn’t_  had friends before, at least. But he guessed Shiro qualified now. Ever since the gravity training module, they’d been spending time together, and Keith couldn’t remember the last time he actively just _spent time with someone_.

“You’re impressive,” Shiro offered, pushing the book back. He settled his elbow up on the table, leaned his cheek against his palm- and if Keith didn’t think he knew better, he’d say the look was almost _dreamy_ , in the most cliche way. “Anyone ever tell you that?”

“The instructors do, usually on a regular basis.”

Shiro smiled, softly. “And _modest_.” It was teasing, and Keith felt a little color rising in his cheeks. He cleared his throat, reaching up to rub at his arm, itching at where his patch was stuck to his skin, beneath his uniform. Shiro kept looking at him like that, and Keith didn’t exactly understand it. He wanted to think there was _something_  there, but…

Well, that had to be wishful thinking. _Really wishful_.

“Are you busy later?” Shiro asked, as Keith pulled his book back, making a quick note next to the problem he was working on.

“I have piloting drills until eight,” he said, and Shiro smiled again.

“ _After_  that?” Keith shook his head. Shiro’s smile turned to a grin. “Perfect. Meet me at the west exit, say, nine? That enough time for you to clean up and tame that hair of yours?” Keith frowned, his lips going out in a _slight_  pout, as Shiro pushed his chair back, stood up and walked over, getting his hand in Keith’s hair and tussling it. Keith reached up, batting at his hand- but didn’t actually want him to stop.

If anything, he wanted Shiro’s fingers to tangle in his hair, to feel his blunt nails against his scalp. He liked the friendly little touches Shiro offered him, maybe a little too _much_.

… Who was he kidding, he’d already _dreamt_  about Shiro. There was not _maybe_  or _little_.

“Don’t study too hard.” Shiro pulled away, and Keith watched him go, out of the corner of his eye.

*

Keith shoved his hands into his pockets, the dry, desert wind forcing his open jacket to fly back, kept pushing his hair into his eyes. It was almost chilly, and years at the Garrison had taught him that desert nights were _colder_  than one expected.

He had no idea what Shiro needed him out here for. They couldn’t just leave the base style campus-

He paused, straightening up, when he found Shiro standing by the large gate, leaning partially onto a hover bike. It was small, wasn’t built to carry more than two people, but it was big _enough_.

“Hey,” Shiro offered, giving a wave as Keith walked over. “I thought it might be nice to get out a bit.”

Keith glanced past Shiro, at the large gate. “We can’t just _leave_.”

“Relax, I’ve got us a free pass. Just trust me.” Shiro turned, climbing onto the bike, before patting the spot behind him. “Climb up wonder boy, let’s go for a ride.”

Keith felt his thighs _twitch_  over that idea.

He sucked in a breath, before he climbed on behind Shiro. He grabbed at his jacket loosely as the bike was fired up, pushing itself up into the air. Shiro turned it, gave a wave, and whoever was manning the gates for the evening opened them up- and before Keith could question how Shiro had gotten an _okay_  for this, they were tearing off, into the desert.

Keith slipped forward, pushed right up against Shiro’s back, his hands letting go of his jacket as he instantly wrapped his arms around his waist, clinging at the sudden rush. It was _faster_  than he had expected, without warning. The wind was rushing by them, but above that, was Shiro’s laugh.

“Just hold on tight,” he said, “I promise I know what I’m doing.”

Keith didn’t _doubt that_ , and held a little tighter. They zoomed out over the desert sands, Shiro taking sharp turns that had Keith leaning with him to help steer the bike. The night hair was whipping Keith’s hair back, sending goosebumps all over his body, even beneath his binder. The air was crisp and cool, made it almost _easier_  to breathe.

Keith wasn’t sure how far out they’d gone, when Shiro finally slowed the bike. It settled down into the sand, before he killed the engine, glancing back over his shoulder. “Cool, right?”

Keith nodded, still clinging to him, pressed tight up to Shiro’s back. He could have put his chin right up on his shoulder, if he wanted- _dared_.

“C’mon, I’ve got something else to show you.”

Keith unwound his arms, climbing off the bike. He shook his head, finger-combing his hair, as Shiro climbed off. He reached over, got a firm hold on Keith’s wrist, and began leading him around the bike. Keith followed, boots sinking slightly in the sand as they climbed up. The sand began to give to rock, until Shiro was letting go and hoisting himself up onto a rather large rock. He leaned over, offered his hand, and Keith took it, jumping and getting his feet firmly on the rock as Shiro pulled him up.

Shiro settled down onto it, leaning back on one hand, as Keith looked out-

And saw the expanse of the desert, beneath the velvety sky. It was that blue that bordered black, inky and twinkling with endless stars.

It was _beautiful_.

“Woah,” Keith managed, as next to him, Shiro only nodded.

“Gorgeous, isn’t it?” Keith barely managed a nod, before he carefully sat down next to Shiro. “All you hear about is how god awful it is to be in the desert from everyone- but they’re just not _looking_. It’s beautiful.”

Shiro tipped his head up, looking at the sky more.

“Can you believe we’re both going to be up there, someday?” Keith glanced over at Shiro, and it was _wonder_  in those gunmetal eyes. Awe and inspiration. “In those billions of stars, and we’ll get to look down and see how small Earth really is.” Shiro glanced over at Keith. “I’ve wanted to be up there my whole life. Ever since I could dream it, _I wanted it_. More than anything else.” He looked back at the stars. “I could get lost up there, and it’d be okay.”

“I’d miss you,” Keith said, before he _regretted_  it, blushing and clearing his throat. “Sorry, that-”

“Don’t be.” Shiro turned towards him again, let one hand slide along the rock until it just bumped Keith’s. “It’s nice to know I’d be missed. I wouldn’t stay forever.” His fingers played up along Keith’s pinky, and Keith wasn’t exactly sure what was _happening_. “I’d miss you too.”

Keith swallowed, and… and Shiro’s _eyes_ , that look he was giving him. It wasn’t what Keith expected, it was like Shiro was trying to see past his eyes, into his skull, see every synapses within the fibers of his mind. Like he wanted to _know_  him.

But, Keith figured that’s what Shiro had been doing, the past few weeks. Learning him, taking the chance to _see_  him. He asked questions and then he _listened_  like Keith meant something. Keith wasn’t used to that.

His hand slid up completely over Keith’s hand, gave it a gentle squeeze. “Maybe someday,” he offered, “We’ll get this same view, only looking _down_  at everything. The two of us.”

“I’d get lost in space with you,” Keith admitted, before he bit his own cheek. “ _Fuck_ , uhm, I mean…”

“ _Hey_.” Shiro turned to face him, reached across his body with his other hand, carefully gripping Keith’s chin. He tipped it up, and Keith felt his breath hitching, in his throat. “I’d like that.” He leaned a little closer, and Keith was so sure he was _dreaming_. “An adventure is always better with _two_.”

His eyes flicked down, to Keith’s lips, and Keith wanted to _believe_  Shiro was going to kiss him. Which was absurd, he knew- he had no proof at all that Shiro was into guys, and this friendship was too _good_ to risk messing up but-

“Can I kiss you?”

Keith couldn’t _breathe_ , knew it wasn’t his binder being too tight or anything like that. He simply stared, and Shiro- _he_  had a little color to his cheeks.

“Or is that going to mess this up?”

It was like Shiro was in his _head_. Like he knew exactly what terrified Keith.

Well, at least _some_  of what terrified him.

“Because I don’t-”

“Kiss me.” Keith leaned closer, so when he spoke, his breath was a ghost against Shiro’s mouth. “Stop talking and kiss me.”

That earned him a little smirk, before Shiro closed the gap. It was subtle, was a warm press of Shiro’s mouth to his, soft and slow movements that had Keith reevaluating his whole damn _life_.

And it was over far too soon.

When Shiro leaned back, he let his hand slide from Keith’s chin and jaw to cup the back of his neck. “Call me crazy,” he said, fingers rubbing against Keith’s tender skin. “But I wanted to do that before you even climbed down that ladder, when we first met.”

Keith stared at him- before deciding to _hell_  with it. He tossed his arms around Shiro’s neck, pulling him in closer as their mouths crashed together again. This was less subtle, was Keith putting everything he’d been repressing for weeks into it- was his desire to be seen and heard and _valued_  by someone. Was his every want to be loved, to be appreciated-

To simply _matter_  to someone.

Shiro got his arm around Keith’s waist, holding him close, pressing back just as hard. It was a little clumsy, but Keith _liked_  it like that. Because it was _real_.

“You could have,” Keith said, when they broke apart again. “Honestly? I went into that module partially because you were hot and I needed a closer look.”

Shiro _laughed_  over that, leaning his forehead against Keith’s. “You know, you’re nothing like they say you are.”

“What do people say about me?”

Not that Keith didn’t _know_. He’d heard it, in the halls. Heard it from the few little flings he’d indulged in, over his years here- especially when he pushed hands _away_  from him, because if they touched and saw they’d _know_ , and Keith wasn’t ready for that.

“That you’re a loner, that you don’t _like_  people and want nothing to do with us. That you’d be better off in space.” Keith appreciated Shiro’s _honesty_. “And maybe you would be better up in the stars- if only because _we_  don’t deserve you down here.”

Keith let himself gasp, tiny and almost inaudible, as Shiro just kept smiling.

“Sappiest pick-up line ever,” he admitted. “But I mean it.”

Keith didn’t doubt he _did_. Shiro was the kind of guy that did’t know how to lie.

“It worked,” Keith admitted, as Shiro tipped up, kissed his forehead. “Let’s go get lost in space.”

Shiro chuckled, his lips still against Keith’s forehead. “ _Someday_ ,” he whispered. “We’ll have the sort of adventures they write books about. Until then…” he glanced back up, “let’s just enjoy the view, and the _company_.” He sat back, and Keith settled next to him, leaning against his shoulder and chest, as Shiro’s arm wrapped around his waist. “And when we go back, how about _you_  drive. I’d love to see your moves.”

Keith laughed, the kind that went straight up from his gut, and god-  _it felt good_.

*

Keith’s roommate was sound asleep, when he got back in. The guy was a heavy sleeper, which had always been a blessing for Keith. He walked over to his closet, sliding the door open and stepping into it, just to be safe.

He always changed in here, if his roommate was i. The guy had never questioned it- not with how people talked that Keith was _weird_  and _quiet_ , how he didn’t _like_  people.

Keith tugged his tshirt off, his binder following. He took a deep breath, sighing over the freedom- and couldn’t wait for the day he didn’t _have_  to wear the damn thing. It had taken years of saving, but he _had_  the money now, he just needed to make the arrangements. Working weird jobs about the Garrison for an allowance, and saving most of the money given to the students for _recreational_  activities.

He tugged a fresh shirt on, got out of his boots and found a pair of sweatpants. When he emerged, his roommate was still sleeping, across the room. He headed for his own bed, crawling in and flopping on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

Shiro’s kisses were still haunting him, making his heart flutter. He shifted, reached up, curled one arm behind his head, the other tracing his mouth. He’d gotten a few others, before they’d climbed back on the hover bike- before _Keith_  had driven home and Shiro had clung to him, nuzzling the back of his neck, pressing his chin to his shoulder. _Laughing_  and telling Keith he was just as good as everyone said he was.

His hand moved from his mouth, fingers sliding up under the short sleeves of his shirt, itching the skin around his patch. Feeling the thin film was a reminder that he shouldn’t let himself get so _invested_. That he needed to keep himself in check-

Because he had _no idea_  how Shiro would react if he saw him, _all of him_. Keith hadn’t told a soul- only the few people at Garrison in charge of records and enrollment saw it in his papers- and his gut twisted in fear over the thought that Shiro would push him away.

Hate him.

And considering he had a _friend_  for the first time, had someone who made him feel like he _mattered_ \- who had kissed him goodnight and promised to see him in the morning-

Well, Keith didn’t want to lose that.

He groaned, rolling onto his side so he could curl up on himself. He refused to let self doubt taint the taste of _satisfaction_  in his mouth. Refused, for once, to dwell on all the possible failures in his future.

Instead, he could give himself one night of _hope_.


	3. still that wonder boy

Keith pulled his helmet off, climbing out of his training jet he’d been piloting. He hopped to the ground, handing it off to the student who had gotten stuck with cleaning up for that session. He shook his hair, wondering exactly how _late_  it was. These drills typically only went until eight, but it was well past dark, and besides his fellow students climbing out of their jets, they seemed mostly alone.

He hurried inside, working open the zipper to his suit and shrugging out of the top half. It fell down to pool at his waist, leaving his arms and shoulders exposed, his tank top doing a good job at keeping his binder hidden. He reached back, scratching at one shoulder- where his current patch was.

Someday, he’d kick the habit of _scratching_  at it. Maybe.

He was hurrying down the halls, wondering if it was too late- or if Shiro was still out. He could just go to his _room_ , but he didn’t want to disturb him.

Keith was so intent, walking with such purpose that he didn’t otice the footsteps echoing him. But when he turned a corner, heading for the dormitories, there was suddenly a set of arms around his waist, tugging him back. Keith gave a yelp, his back pressing into a warm, broad chest- and suddenly there was Shiro, nuzzling the side of his neck.

“Hey handsome.”

Keith exhaled, frowning and glancing at him, trying to glare, but unable to at that angle. “You startled me.”

“Sorry. You were in your head, wasn’t sure you’d come out of it, even if I said your name.” He placed a gentle kiss to Keith’s neck, the kind that had Keith’s heart melting down into his ribs, dripping to his very core. “Where are you rushing off to?”

“…To catch you,” Keith admitted, his hands playing at the edges of his open suit. Shiro chuckled, giving him an affectionate squeeze, lifting his head to kiss his hair now.

“Yeah? Well, you found me. Now what?” Keith glanced around, felt his stomach going up in these impossibly tight knots over the playful drop in Shiro’s voice. There wasn’t anyone around- but Keith knew even if there _was_ , that wouldn’t have stopped Shiro.

He’d made a point to openly hug Keith, to kiss his cheek without a care. One time he’d kissed his mouth in the kind of way that had Keith clutching at his jacket, and he had _heard_  some of the other students whispering.

He was used to being a secret. Hidden. Like some dirty little _secret_ , and this- it was _nice_ , but it took getting used to.

Keith didn’t give a answer, and Shiro splayed one hand on his belly, fingertips flexing. “How about,” Shiro offered, “You go change out of this suit, and come back to my room?”

Keith licked his lips, nodded slowly. Shiro had a roommate- they _all_  did, but he hadn’t paid Keith any notice the last time he’d been in Shiro’s room. Granted, they’d talked about recent mappings of the solar system until Keith was falling asleep on Shiro’s shoulder, _but still_.

Shiro finally let go of him, gave his hair a _quick_  tussle, and was heading off. Keith hurried off towards his own room. He slipped in, found it empty, and sighed with relief. He reached down, worked his boots open and kicked them off, before squirming out of the rest of the suit. It left him in his briefs and tank top, as he folded it up and left it on the foot of his bed.

He headed for his closet,sliding it open and getting a pair of sweatpants on. Another glance at the door, and he stepped halfway into it, pulling his tank top off and tossing it back onto his bed, followed by his binder.

He took a deep breath, sighing with relief. The first breath free of that constricting clothing was always a _relief_. He reached up, palmed at his chest, massaging sore flesh as he sucked in another deep breath.

He _wanted_  to wear it to Shiro’s room- but he knew that wasn’t a good idea. He’d had it on the whole day already, and he _knew_  his body needed a break. With a sigh, he tugged on a sports bra instead- which gave enough compression that his small chest was fairly unnoticeable, especially once he’s shrugged on his tshirt.

He found his slippers and stepped into them, before he was out the door, heading for Shiro’s room. Almost everyone he passed in the hallways was already in some sort of pajamas- a _few_  lacking probably a bit too much clothing.

Keith rounded a corner, frowning when he noticed one of his _louder_  classmates conversing with another student. He was talking with his arms- or, more accurately, _his whole body_ , standing there flailing in nothing but his boxer briefs and a tshirt.

Keith hurried past him, could’t place a name to him, and shoved it right out of his mind. Didn’t matter, not when he was thirty seconds from having Shiro wrapped up around him.

He paused once he got to Shiro’s door, knocking on it- and a moment later it was sliding open. Keith stepped in, mouth open, about to greet Shiro-

When he caught him standing by his bed, holding his tshirt, as if he had been in the middle of changing. Keith stared, the words dying on his tongue, as Shiro smiled at him. “Hey.”

“…Hi.” Keith clamped his mouth shut, glancing away. “Uh, want me to-”

“ _No_.”

Keith felt his breath hitching, and Shiro tossed his shirt back onto the bed, walking over to him. The door had shut, and when Shiro got his hands on Keith’s face, holding him steady so he could lean over, kiss him deeply. Slow and sweet, Keith reached up, clutching at his arms, feeling like he wanted to vibrate right out of his skin.

The door had shut. It was just the _two of them_. And Keith- he could forget the rest of the world even existed, like this.

When Shiro pulled back, slowly, Keith tried to follow, leaning in ever so slightly, not wanting it to end. He stared up through his thick lashes, and swore Shiro’s eyes were _burning_.

It was a look he _knew_ \- but he hadn’t expected to see, on Shiro. Especially not looking at _him_.

Shiro let a grin break out on his face, lifted Keith up, and against his surprised squeak, turned and dropped them both onto his bed. Keith squirmed, pinned beneath his larger boyfriend, as Shiro nuzzled his neck, nipping playfully at his pulse.

“Your- roommate,” Keith offered, getting his hands on Shiro’s bare shoulders and _squeezing_ , blunt nails scrapping over his slightly darker skin. “He’ll come back. He’ll _see_.”

“He’d be jealous,” Shiro mumbled, kissing Keith’s jaw now. “ _Everyone_  should be jealous of me right now.” A peck to his lips this time. “But he’s not coming back. Overnight drill with his current team. It’s just you and me.”

Keith swallowed thickly- and _oh_ , the things he wanted to think could happen. The ideas he’d contemplated, beneath his covers, in the dark of night. The way he swore he _knew_  Shiro’s mouth and hands, just from fantasy-

And with that, all the _fears_  of what Shiro might _find_.

“If you want, though,” Shiro offered, “We can, you know. Sit around and talk about anything. I just…” he trailed off for a second, leaning back down to breath in Keith’s ear, “I _think_  about you, like this. And if you want to… just know, I do too.”

Keith sucked in a breath. God, _god_ , he _wanted to_ \- so damn _badly_. A few weeks of little touches, Shiro’s kisses, and his damn overactive and over _needing_  mind, and he was ready to burst.

But- there was so much more here. So, so much more.

And yet- “Kiss me again,” Keith mumbled, “let me think about it.”

Shiro had never kissed Keith so quickly.

Keith moaned into it, over the way Shiro’s tongue pushed into his mouth. He sucked at the muscle, before it pushed against his own, at the plush of his cheeks, learning the curves of his teeth as if Shiro had never mapped them before. Keith pushed up, arching, rubbing against Shiro, hooking one leg over his calves. Shiro returned the motion, rutting down against him- and Keith could _feel_  the shape his cock took, in his sweatpants.

He lost his breath over it. Shiro was half hard kissing him and _wanted him_ -

And what if he wondered why he couldn’t _feel_  Keith?”

A hand pushed up under Keith’s shirt, along the curve of his waist, heading for his ribs. Keith choked, breaking the kiss, a broken _stop_  flooding out. The moment it did, Shiro pulled his hand back, pushing himself up and looking down at Keith.

“Sorry,” he whispered, and Keith sucked at his tongue. “I… got ahead of myself. Here, we can just…” Shiro shifted, sitting back against the wall, “talk, like we normally do.”

Keith pushed himself up on his elbows, missing Shiro’s weight against him. Missing his mouth. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” Keith offered, “it’s just… I can’t.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain anything to me.” Shiro patted the spot next to him, smiling in that charming and sweet and _oh-so perfect_  way. “A no is a no, Keith. It never has to be more.”

Keith’s chest ached, because Shiro was just so _good_.

He sat up, shifting closer to him- but instead of taking up the space next to him, on the bed, Keith straddled one of his thick thighs, settling onto it ad reaching out, idly tracing a finger along his abs. “It’s so much more though,” he admitted, and a part of him _wanted_  Shiro to know.

Wanted to hope that one damn person in this world might understand and not look at him differently at all.

“I’ll get you off,” Keith offered, his finger trailing lower, stopping at the waistband of his sweatpants. “I _wanna_. We can leave it at that.” He shimmied a little, felt Shiro’s hands moving up, to grip his hips, squeezing.

“I’m fine,” he said, instead of taking the bait, instead of _biting_  like everyone else ever had. “Really. Don’t dwell on it.” He leaned in, kissed the tip of Keith’s nose. Keith felt color raising in his cheeks, another affectionate squeeze to his hips.

No one had ever bee this good to him- had ever stopped to think his _no_  might stem from something, might warrant attention. And he had _liked_  what he’d done with other guys, in the past- but it still would have been nice to have someone _care_.

And if Shiro cared, maybe… maybe he could understand.

“Shiro,” he whispered, as the older leaned back, his head resting against the wall. Keith inhaled slowly. “I… I think you should know something.”

“Yeah?”

Keith nodded, biting at his lip. “I’ve never _told_  someone this. Not here…” Another inhale. “But you’re _different_ , and I like you like I swear I’ve never liked _anyone_. And maybe you’ll actually _get it_.”

Shiro frowned slightly, his hands rubbing up from Keith’s hips towards his waist. “Get what, Keith? What’s going on?”

One more deep breath, and then- “I’m… I’m transgender.” Keith reached down, grabbed the edge of his tshirt, tugging it up along his ribs, until Shiro could see the elastic of his sports bra. “And I’m hoping you’re not freaked out and that you still _want me_  because no one _knows_  and I’ve worked so damn hard to keep it that way and-”

Keith ran out of breath, pausing to suck one in- and Shiro was just looking at him. Looking with gunmetal eyes that were endless as the stars they studied together.

And then a little smile. “You trust me enough to tell me?”

Keith stared. “Well, yeah-”

He got the two words out, before Shiro’s arms were around him, tugging him into a tight embrace. Keith fell against his chest, stunned for a moment, as Shiro nuzzled against his neck. Keith didn’t know what to _do_ , simply leaned against him, as Shiro’s hands splayed on his back. As he _held him_.

Like… like things were going to be okay.

“Thank you for trusting me.” A kiss to his temple.

“You… you don’t-”

“Care?” I _care_ , Keith. About you. This doesn’t change anything.” Keith leaned back, and now the kiss was to his forehead. “You’re _you_ , you’re still that wonder boy who is way too good to be here.”

“At the Garrison?”

“On this _planet_. I said you belonged in the stars.”

Keith smiled, so much so that his cheeks hurt. His belly was in knots, when he added, “and I said I’d get lost in space with you. Still interested?”

“ _Absolutely_.” Shiro eased his hands down, pausing at the small of Keith’s back. “So how about we talk about those stars. Which one should we visit first? There’s so many _options_.”

Keith laughed, leaning back and melting under Shiro’s smile. To him, there was only _one_  option.

Shiro. In that moment he was damn sure his heart would never beat for someone again, like it was beating for Shiro.


	4. i'll wake you up with it

Keith gritted his teeth, lifting himself up until his chin rose above the bar. He tried to hold the position, until his biceps burned and he let himself hang down, sucking in a breath.

 _Three_.

He huffed, went to lift himself, before he gave up and dropped. He landed on his feet, reaching up to rub one bicep, inwardly cursing himself. If that increased gravity module had taught him anything, way back- it was that he could use a little more muscle on his lean frame. And while his legs were _fine_ , his arms could use a little work, he knew.

He was considering moving towards one of the vacated weight machines, when an arm wrapped around his waist, tugging him back- and after a surprised _squeak_ , Keith was pressed against a familiar, broad chest.

And then a voice he _knew_ , in his ear, “Hi handsome.”

He shivered, and he knew Shiro felt.

“Let go,” Keith said, reaching for his arm, “I’m sweating and gross.”

Shiro laughed, only squeezing him tighter, before he let go so Keith could turn around. The moment he did, Shiro was tutting him back in, right up against his uniform and leaning down, kissing his forehead.

“I don’t care. You’re still gorgeous.”

Keith had _butterflies_ and he couldn’t bring himself to even be embarrassed.

“What are you doing here?” Keith asked, reaching up and tugging at his wild hair. He pulled his hair tie off his wrist, securing most of his hair, as Shiro watched intently.

“I asked around, someone said they thought they saw you heading towards the gyms…” he paused for a moment, and Keith inclined his head, confused. “… I’ve never see you with your hair up.”

“Oh.” Keith shrugged. “Easier, it was in my face while I was doing pull ups and-” he cut off when Shiro cupped his cheeks, tugged him up and crashed their mouths together. It wasn’t the _usual_ way Shiro kissed him, which had rhythm, tended to start slow and build-

This was like the big finish _already_ , and Keith could only grasp at Shiro’s uniform jacket.

“Sorry,” Shiro mumbled, “you just look really good.” A kiss to the bridge of his nose, now. “I have a psych eval I have to go to, but after… come by?”

Keith frowned. “ _Another one_?” Shiro had been to a few- a number of students his level were being sent to them, as they applied for various missions and work. The missions themselves were _classified_ , but the fact that this would be Shiro’s _second_ in ten days made Keith think maybe it was serious-

And his boyfriend had a shot at whatever he was aiming for.

“Yeah. I was told to plan to spend my evening with the counselor. So maybe ten? Will you still be up?” Keith snorted, smacked Shiro in the chest.

“I’m not _ten_ or _ninety_ , I’ll be up. Ass.” Keith leaned up, pecked Shiro’s lips, before his boyfriend was hugging him, getting right by his ear-

And whispering so no one else could hear, “For my peace of mind- you’re not wearing your binder, right?”

Keith nodded, squeezing back. He knew Shiro _knew_ he was smart enough to not wear something that constricting while he was working out- but he _appreciated_ the concern. And the discretion.

And really, the fact that Shiro hadn’t changed a damn thing about their interactions, since Keith had come out to him.

“Okay. So, ten?” Keith nodded, and Shiro stepped back, giving him another smile before turning and heading out. Keith watched him go, getting his hands on the hem of his oversized tshirt and _twisting_ it.

*

Keith knocked on Shiro’s door, a few minutes before ten. He’d wondered over in his pajamas again- which was becoming normal, on the nights Shiro wasn’t sneaking him off grounds for a ride through the desert.

There was nothing for a moment, and Keith wondered if he’d beat Shiro back- but then the door was opening, and there was his boyfriend, fresh out of his uniform-

And lacking a shirt. Which seemed to be _common_ whenever Keith stopped by.

“Missing something?” Keith asked, stepping in as the door slid shut behind him.

Shiro grinned. “You?” Keith shook his head, reaching up and hooking his arms around his neck, giving him a quick kiss.

“We alone?”

Shiro nodded. “Said he was crashing somewhere tonight. You can stay if you want.”

Keith hummed. Shiro offered that all the time, but he had yet to actually take him up on it. He’d wondered back to his room at three AM instead of spending the night in Shiro’s bed- and he wasn’t really sure _why_ at this point.

Baby steps, he figured.

Keith didn’t give an answer, and Shiro did’t push for one. He never did. Instead he tugged Keith over towards his bed, let his boyfriend sit down as he headed for his desk, picking up what looked like a slightly worn, small, black moleskin notebook up and passing it towards Keith, after flipping it open.

Keith took it, glancing down and furrowing his brow. It looked like- “Is this a _map_?”

“Yeah. I’ve been working on it on and off lately. Here,” he leaned over, casting a shadow over Keith and the notebook, as he pointed to a small couple of bumps. “That’s our spot, right there.”

Keith didn’t need an elaboration. The spot where he’d told Shiro he’d _get lost in space_ with him- where he was kissed under the stars like he was living some old nursery rhyme.

A spot they’d gone back to.

“I get a couple quick pictures anytime I fly out that way,” Shiro offered, “it’s not on any of the regular drill circuits but I get away with small detours.”

“Why?” Keith carefully closed the notebook, passed it back to Shiro.

“Something to do. And… something to give you, I guess.” He shrugged a shoulder, before he sat down next to Keith, the small notebook somehow heavy in his hands. “I’m learning it so that we can have our own little world, out there- until we’ve got one above us.”

Keith smiled, reaching over and setting his hand on Shiro’s knee. “You’re a sap. You know that, right?”

“Guilty. And yeah, I do.”

“Good, now-” Keith took the notebook from Shiro’s hands, set it on the bed, “come over here and kiss me.”

Shiro smiled, a silent _can do_ , as he leaned over, got one hand on Keith’s cheek and kissed him gently. Keith sighed, closed his eyes and mimicked the movements of Shiro’s mouth- so controlled and calm and _perfect._ Keith squirmed closer, getting his hands on Shiro’s bare chest and letting them splay, silently in _awe_ over the broad muscle there.

Shiro seemed to think _he_ was attractive, but Keith wondered if he’d ever looked in a damn mirror?

Keith pulled off his mouth, dipped down and pressed his lips to Shiro’s pulse, could feel it pounding against him. His tongue laved out over it, before he sucked gently- careful to not bruise, as tempting as that was.

Shiro moaned, tipping his head back, ad Keith shivered, sucking in a breath through his nose. He squirmed, trying to squeeze his thighs together as he felt a flood of heat in his lower belly. He’d been in this state before- had gotten his hands ad mouth on Shiro in just the right ways-

And had always _stopped_ , when both of them were breathless and it was _evident_ they wanted more.

Keith knew he could do that again. They could slide through his comfort zone, hit his barriers and pull back- slow down until they were laying there talking the night quietly away. Or just _laying_ , there was a joy to simply being curled up into Shiro’s chest, or having his head resting on Keith’s belly as they sprawled out all over the bed.

And yet- Keith wondered how many nights he’d _get_ like this. How much longer he’d have Shiro and their desert excursions, before he finally _was_ given an assignment. Keith himself had a good year of school left- rightfully more, but he was aiming for early completion.

And that bit of fear, it gave him _courage_. “Hey,” Keith mumbled, into Shiro’s neck, one of the hands on his chest easing down, over his ribs, as Shiro hummed his response. Keith’s hand brushed over his abs, stopping at his sweatpants and sliding just his fingertips beneath the waistband. “Maybe tonight we should try something different.”

Shiro’s eyes snapped open, trained down at Keith, who worked to keep his own stare level, his cheeks from gaining color.

“I thought you weren’t comfortable?” There wasn’t a hint of _judgement_ in Shiro’s voice, never had been- he didn’t push, and Keith appreciated that.

“I’m not… well…” Keith inhaled slowly. “I’ve touched _other people_ , and… can I touch you?” His fingers flexed against Shiro’s lower abdomen, and he watched his boyfriend swallow thickly. “I want to,” Keith added, “really badly. And I’m okay with not getting anything back- that’s not how it works. I just…” he sighed. “I dunno. I think about it and I _want_ you.”

Shiro smiled, leaned in, kissed his cheek. “Okay,” he whispered, and Keith felt his heartbeat spiking, shooting up his ribs and into his throat.

“Really?” It came out a squeak, and Keith cursed his voice for a moment, but Shiro only chuckled. He nodded, dipping down to Keith’s neck as Keith shifted, got up onto one of Shiro’s thick thighs and eased his hand into his sweatpants, expecting to feel another barrier of cotton-

And instead, finding the base of Shiro’s cock. They both gasped, Shiro’s hips attempting to move, to get closer to Keith’s hand, as Keith realized his boyfriend just sat around with him and didn’t wear any underwear-

And okay. That was hot.

Keith got his fingers around the base. Shiro wasn’t hard yet, and Keith stroked lightly, as Shiro hooked an arm around his waist, holding him steady. He kept his face in Keith’s neck, as Keith shifted, _rubbing_ against his thigh without even meaning too and feeling little sparks up along his spine, from the friction. From it’s _promise_.

He felt Shiro’s cock beginning to harden, as Shiro’s teeth dragged lazily along his neck. Keith sighed, gripping tighter and giving him a full stroke, adjusting so that he was grasping with his entire hand- mind reeling because Shiro was _thicker_ than he was used to, and god, he wanted to _see him_.

He squeezed his thighs against Shiro’s, whimpering because he was wet and he _knew it_. He couldn’t even remember getting this worked up over anyone before, and they’d only just _started_.

“Let me- move,” Shiro managed, lifting his head. Keith nodded, pulling his hand out of his sweatpants and crawling off his leg. He got up on his knees and watched as Shiro turned, leaned back into his pillows so he was almost sitting, reaching down and grasping his sweatpants. A lift of his hips, and he was tugging them down, his cock bobbing free, brushing against his belly-

And Keith _moaned_ over it. Shiro glanced up at him, as Keith pressed his thighs together, eyes darting down to Shiro’s cock, back up to his early black eyes now-

“Come back,” Shiro said, before swallowing thickly, adding, “ _please_.”

Keith dropped down, crawled right between his thighs. supporting himself on one hand as he grasped his cock again, began stroking. He kept it slow, even, watched as Shiro’s head dropped back, his chest rising and falling with each breath. Keith glanced back down, watched precum beading up on Shiro’s flushed cockhead-

Before he leaned down, lapping his tongue out and collecting it. Shiro gasped, eyes going wide, head snapping back up, as Keith looked up at him through his lashes.

“Can I suck you off?”

Keith was hot just _asking_ it.

Shiro nodded, like he didn’t have words- and Keith didn’t hesitate. He opened his mouth, sucked gently on Shiro’s cockhead, his tongue swirling around it. Shiro groaned, pushing more over his tongue, and Keith felt a flush creeping up on his cheeks. He was _good_ at this, he knew. At least, _good enough_ , and he inched down Shiro’s shaft, choosing to grip at the sheets with both his hands instead of wrapping one around the bit he couldn’t seem to fit into his mouth.

Shiro reached up, began carding his fingers through Keith’s hair, twisting and tugging but only _gently_ , as Keith bobbed his head. Shiro was hot, his skin was a burning velvet that had Keith’s breath dissolving in his lungs. His mouth was salty from the precum, but the weight and scent and _taste_ all together ad Keith rocking his hips, squirming as he tried to squeeze his legs together and yet get friction at the same time.

“ _Keith_ \- aw, _fuck_.” Shiro tipped his head back, and Keith _shivered_ over the idea that Shiro could be vulgar. He hoped _very_.

His belly twisted up over the mere hope.

“Are you- are you sure you don’t want me to…” he trailed off, trying to suck in a breath, and Keith pulled off, a wet pop filling the air as he glanced up, his lips red and slightly swollen already.

And the thing was, he _did_ want Shiro to touch him. He could imagine his fingers rubbing along his clit, pushing into his body and touching all those places Keith got himself but just thought Shiro could get to _better_.

He’d thought about it. One too many nights.

Except- “I do’t know if I’m there yet,” Keith admitted. It had been hard enough to come out- and while he trusted Shiro, _deeply_ , he had to find the comfort in _himself_ to let him see, touch him intimately.

“Okay.” It came out breathy, and there was color to Shiro’s cheeks. He bit at his lip, and the look alone could have ended Keith’s life, in that moment. “Do you want to touch _yourself_?”

Keith hadn’t even _thought_ of that and- “ _yes_ ,” he whined out, because he needed _something._ He leaned back down, taking Shiro back into his mouth as he moved to balance on his knees and one hand, the other slipping into his sweatpants and briefs, going right between his legs.

Keith rubbed his fingers along his lips, let them slid between. He was _slick_ , and he moved his wet fingers up, rubbing them over his swollen clit. He moaned around Shiro’s cock, easing further down, getting back into his rhythm.

Shiro’s hands were back in his hair, stroking it out of his face. Keith felt like he was going to burst- like a circuit was frying right down in his core. He hadn’t realized he was _this_ worked up- and as he got his clit between two fingers, stroking up along it as it rubbed, he felt his body trying to roll into an orgasm already.

Shiro was beginning to pant now, hips pushing up to meet each of Keith’s movements. He tugged at Keith’s hair, just enough to send little sparks down Keith’s scalp, and Keith groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and bobbing his head faster.

“Keith, _Keith_.” Shiro’s thighs trembled, and Keith felt his cock throbbing over his tongue. “Do you want to-”

Keith eased deeper, forced his body to relax until his nose was pushing into the dark curls at the base of Shiro’s cock. Because _no_ , he didn’t want to pull off-

And he was sure his answer was evident, then. Shiro cursed again, before- “What can I do to make you come?”

Oh _god oh god oh god_ -

Keith shivered, whining and moaning around Shiro’s cock because he didn’t want to pull off and _answer_ he just wanted Shiro to get off. Wanted to _feel it_ -

He got his wish, a moment later, when Shiro moaned, ending in Keith’s name coming raspy off his tongue. Keith felt his cum, spilling over his tongue, ad stilling, sucking gently until Shiro was leaning back, sucking in a breath and Keith was pulling off-

Swallowing and whimpering because somehow just _tasting Shiro_ made him want even _more_.

He moved his fingers quicker, alternating between almost stroking his clit and rubbing at the sensitive underside. Shiro carefully sat up, as Keith pushed himself up onto his knees, the movement of his hand visible beneath his sweatpants.

Shiro reached out, carefully tugging Keith closer, getting his arms around him and leaning up into his neck, nuzzling and kissing lazily. “You look so good,” he offered, as Keith exhaled, his cheeks flushed, his fingers and thighs shaking because he was _so close_. Shiro’s mouth hit his jaw, his fingers digging ito Keith’s back through his tshirt. “Wanna see you every night like this,” Shiro mumbled, and something about his tone was all _promise_ -

And Keith was gone on that alone. He gasped, grinding against his fingers as his orgasm made his belly twist up tightly, muscles contracting so tight and then releasing in a burst of sudden warmth and sweetness through out his whole body. Shiro kept a firm hold on him, even as Keith slumped forward, might have just fallen onto the bed if his boyfriend hadn’t been there.

“Got you,” Shiro whispered, as Keith leaned his cheek down onto his bare should, panting lightly. “I’ve got you.”

Keith smiled, and suddenly there was a laugh bubbling up in him. He giggled, pushing his face into Shiro’s neck, trying to muffle the sound.

He’d _felt good_ and the world hadn’t cracked in half. He’d crossed a threshold he never had before and Shiro was holding him _tighter than ever_.

The world didn’t end. He was still alive.

“You okay?” Shiro asked, as Keith straightened up, nodding.

“ _Better_ than okay, Takashi.” Shiro arched a brow, and Keith _realized_ he’d used Shiro’s first name for- well, the first time.

 _Everyone_ called him Shiro and Keith had never felt _different_ from everyone else. Or, not different enough-

But Shiro smiled then, let go of him to cup his cheeks- hold his face in that tender way he seemed to apt to do. “I like when you say my name,” he offered, leaning in closer.

And Keith could only offered, “I’ll wake you up with it then.”

That earned him a _bigger_ smile. “You’re staying, then?”

Keith nodded. In that moment, he just wanted to be tangled up with Shiro, and he didn’t want to think of walking back through the halls alone come some ungodly hour, in the morning.

Besides, he felt a new blooming of _comfort_ in his gut- and he was willing to test the boundaries, if the reward was waking up to one of Shiro’s smiles.


	5. you're a star (i could get lost in you)

_It’s a surprise_ , Shiro had said, when Keith had asked where they were going, earlier. When he’s hopped onto the back of the hover bike and they’d sped away from the Garrison. Keith still clung to Shiro, as they sailed out over the sand, taking turns and passing clumps of rocks Keith didn’t exactly know.

Not that he had a entire map of the desert memorized. Only the bits he had seen in Shiro’s notebook, nothing more. But this still felt _new_.

He clutched tighter, snuggled against the back of Shiro’s shoulder. The wind was crisp, sent a chill through him, but he didn’t exactly mind it. If anything, he’d creep in closer to Shiro where ever they stopped, steal his body heat.

They sped around a rather large cliff out hang, before the bike began to slow. Keith didn’t lift his head, was willing to preserve the surprise a little longer, shutting his eyes and just enjoying being this close to Shiro. It had been a few days since he’d been able to be alone with him, and he had missed him. Badly.

The bike came to a stop, and Shiro shifted, forcing Keith to lift his head. He climbed off, shaking out his hair and staring forward, as Shiro got off, standing next to him.

In front of them was a tiny shack.

“C'mon,” Shiro said, grasping Keith’s hand. He led him quickly through the sand, towards the rickety shadow. Keith took in the uneven boards- enough to keep most of the desert wind out but probably not all of it. It wasn’t overly large, looked like it had been abandoned for years.

The door creaked something awful, when Shiro pushed at it, and slammed with the force of dead weight when Keith let go of it, behind him. The cabin- shack, if Keith was honest- was only one room, empty except for an old couch beneath the windows, looking out at the desert.

“Cool, right?” Shiro asked, walking for the center. It was dark- if not for the windows letting in the starlight, Keith thought it’d be black as death, as the caverns that popped up within the sand and spelled doom if you weren’t careful on the hover bikes.

“Creepy is more like it,” Keith admitted, folding his arms. And yet- “There’s something about it. How’d you find it?”

“I veered off flight patterns more than usual. Thought I saw something before I was being _sternly reminded_ to return to formation before I was written up for insubordination. I came out here the other night when I couldn’t sleep to check it out, and found this.” He walked over towards the couch, flopped down. It creaked adn groaned with his weight, but held.

“You have no idea what is living in that,” Keith said, looking a little terrified. But Shiro, he just laughed.

“I came back the following night and tried to clean it up. I swear this is creature-free and _clean_. Come here.” Shiro held out one hand, ad Keith walked over, taking it and carefully crawling up onto his lap. He settled his weight down onto Shiro’s thighs, as Shiro’s fingers moved back through his hair tenderly. “I thought it might be nice,” he whispered, as Keith’s eyes went heavy-lidded. “To have a space for us.”

Keith smiled, getting both his hands on Shiro’s arm and squeezing affectionately- turning to kiss his wrist. “Have I mentioned you’re a sap?”

“Many times over, baby.” Shiro tugged Keith in, got both his arms around him easily and kissed the corner of his mouth. “It’s hard to avoid, around you.”

Keith giggled, moving his hands to Shiro’s chest, up to his broad shoulders. He squeezed them gently, asking in a lower voice, “So, our own space? To do what in, exactly?”

It was playful and yet _curious_ \- and mostly, Keith just wanted to know what Shiro was thinking. Always wanted to know what was going on in that head of his.

Keith had never much cared for the way other people’s minds worked, until Shiro.

“ _Anything_. Talking about getting lost up there, someday. Getting away from the same walls we’ve known for years.” He leaned in closer, kissed Keith very gently. “Getting to know you, a bit more intimately.”

Keith shivered, felt Shiro clutching onto the back of his jacket. He closed the gap, kissed Shiro properly- more rushed than Shiro kissed, his tongue pushing at his boyfriend’s lips, pressing down against Shiro’s. Not that Shiro minded- he was mewling right into Keith’s mouth, more than happy with whatever pace his boyfriend wanted to set.

“So you think I’m going to let you know me?” Keith asked, pushing Shiro back more against the couch. Shiro tipped his head back, stared up with those dark eyes, and Keith felt his stomach unraveling. Felt that same sort of heat he did every damn time Shiro stared at him with eyes like the smoothest metal. “Let you see me?”

“I can dream.”

“I thought you dreamt about getting lost in the stars?”

Shiro smirked. “One in the same- you’re a star, I could get lost in you.” Keith laughed, leaning in and over Shiro, pinning him down and squeezing his thighs tightly around his lap.

“What am I going to do with you?”

“Kiss me again, hopefully.” Keith smiled, complying with the wish- because, honestly, he could die happy kissing Shiro. He kept it slow now, as Shiro rubbed his back, rocking gently over his lap and making his boyfriend give up all these little noises, like Keith was driving him crazy.

He probably was, a little.

And Keith took pride in that.

“You know, if we’re alone…” Keith whispered, feeling his gut going to bubbling liquid, “Maybe we should take advantage of that.” Shiro smiled up at him, dazzling and warm and loving and _everything_ Keith had ever wanted, needed. And that smile, it was enough to fill him with the sort of courage that he never had, before.

“What do you have in mind?”

“You, me-” Keith got his hands on the back of Shiro’s head, fingers moving through his short hair, “a whole new world.” He leaned a little closer, breathed against Shiro’s mouth, “you want to know me- you have to see me first.”

And it was the only invitation Keith could offer- because if he tried again, he knew his throat would close up. He’d lose his nerve-

But he trusted Shiro. He wanted him to know every inch of his skin and every crevice of his mind, every fiber that made Keith who he was. Wanted to be exposed and opened and excepted-

Wanted to feel good, because he _loved_ him-

Oh god, he loved him. He loved Shiro and the idea of that made him dizzy and want to fall right to the floor.

“Are you sure?” Shiro asked, kissing just under Keith’s jaw. “Because we don’t have to. This is all at your pace, Keith. I’ll be happy just sitting next to you.”

Keith nodded, swallowed thickly. “Don’t make me offer again,” he whispered, closing his eyes- and suddenly Shiro’s hands were tugging at his jacket. Keith let it fall off his shoulders, heard it pile on the floor, as Shiro got his hands beneath Keith’s tshirt, on his subtle waist.

“Talk me through it all,” Shiro whispered, mouth moving down along Keith’s neck. “Okay? Every thought. Don’t block me out.”

Keith nodded. Shiro’s hands squeezed his waist, before he was pushing Keith’s tshirt higher. Keith took a deep breath, before he grasped at it, tugged it up over his head, let it fall to the couch next to him.

All that was left was the tight, black fabric of his binder, as Shiro sucked gently at his pulse, his hands moving up, rubbing along the skin just beneath its band. His mouth moved to Keith’s throat, then up slowly the other side- like he was taking his time, as his hands tried to map out his ribs, before moving back to his back, feeling smooth skin along the perfect curve of his spine.

Keith squeezed his thighs over Shiro’s, sliding along his lap, feeling desperate and nervous all at once. He reached for Shiro’s shoulders, pushing him back enough that he had room- and began to task of carefully removing his binder. It took a moment of maneuvering, but then it was _gone_ , joining his jacket on the floor, and Keith was naked, from the waist up.

He wanted to cover himself, to reach up and fold his arms and hide away. He fought it down as Shiro’s eyes moved over him, took in the blue glow his skin had, thanks to the starlight. And then he smiled, leaning in to kiss just beneath Keith’s collar bone.

Keith sighed, as Shiro’s hands were back on his sides, moving up- and then one was carefully cupping the subtle swell of flesh, his thumb rubbing over Keith’s nipple. Keith gasped, as Shiro glanced up at him.

“Is this okay?”

Keith nodded. He was quickly forgetting that the desert wind was making its way through the cracks in the walls, and the goosebumps rising on his flesh came from a completely different source. He got his hands on Shiro’s shoulders as his thumb continued to tease, his head dipping lower. Shiro’s tongue flicked out over Keith’s other nipple, before his mouth closed around it. Keith moaned, shaking as he felt everything between his thighs _throbbing._ Shiro squeezed the flesh in his hand, before leaving it be to simply tug at Keith’s nipple.

It was as if he knew too much attention, as good as it felt, might make Keith feel weird, in that moment.

When he pulled his mouth off, he grasped Keith by the waist, stood up _holding him_ and turned, gently dropping him back on the couch. Keith fell onto it, slumping low and spreading his legs, as Shiro got his hand on the back of the couch, leaning over him and kissing him.

This wasn’t gentle. _This_ was the need that Keith felt in his own gut, echoed in Shiro’s mouth like a symphony they both knew and understood. Shiro’s other hand grasped Keith’s thigh, squeezed, pushing them a little wider as he breathed into his mouth, “I want to make you come.”

Keith choked, his hands racing for the buckle on his belt. He wanted that too- wanted it to be _Shiro_ that made him feel like the world was cracking in half, was shattering all around him.

He got his belt open, then his pants, before he paused. Shiro was kissing him again, and the wet sounds of their mouths was the only sound against the desert wind that seemed to whistle through the shack.

He was already exposed, already bared to Shiro in ways he had never been to anyone before. And, for the first time in his life, he _wanted_ to take that final step.

He lifted his hips, pushing everything down his thighs. Shiro let go, moved off his mouth and leaned to the side, so Keith could lean over, unlace his boots. He managed to get them off, his pants following, leaving him in just his briefs.

And then Shiro’s hand was between his legs without ceremony, pressing right up against fabric that was _damp_ from how worked up Keith was. He couldn’t remember ever getting wet like this, even _before_ he had started using his testosterone patches. And yet somehow, Shiro undid him so damn well-

Keith gasped, pushing towards Shiro’s hand, as he rubbed gently, moving back to kissing him. It was almost calming, to have that contact but still have one barrier, as if Keith needed a moment to get used to the idea that Shiro was going to see, going to touch-

And hopefully, going to love him all the same.

Keith sucked at Shiro’s tongue, got his hands on his biceps as he continued to buck against his hand. It was only when Keith swore his briefs were wet _through_ that Shiro moved his hand, lifted it up towards the waistband, giving it a playful tug.

Keith’s hands flew down, grasping and shoving the fabric down his thighs, letting them fall over one ankle and the onto the floor. He need _something_ -

And the moment Shiro’s hand was back, rubbing against his lips and then between them, Keith knew it was exactly _that_. He whined, breaking off from the kiss to pant as Shiro’s fingers found his swollen clit, began rubbing it.

A part of him wondered if Shiro would think he was _strange_. The testosterone over the years had caused his clit to grow a bit, and while Keith rather _enjoyed_ that, he didn’t know-

“Please let me look at you,” Shiro whispered, his breath against Keith’s mouth. He was still close enough to kiss, gunmetal eyes trained on Keith’s.

Keith gave a little nod, and Shiro pulled away- just to drop down to his knees, between Keith’s legs. He leaned forward, kissed his inner thigh, glancing up as he pulled Keith’s legs further apart. Keith slid down the couch more, almost lifted his hands to hide his face- instead clutched at the cushions, and a smile spread across Shiro’s face.

“Pretty boy,” he mumbled, kissing his thigh again, before lifting up, kissing his lower stomach. He trailed down in a shockingly neat line, until his lips touched the dark curls between Keith’s legs-

And, oh god, he was going to-

Shiro’s hands tightened on Keith’s thighs, his tongue laving out, up over his clit. Keith shuddered, gasping, opening his thighs wider until his hips ached with it, as Shiro’s tongue moved slowly.

“Sh-Shiro,” he managed, tugging at the cushions, as Shiro’s mouth moved lower, his tongue lapping up at all the wetness. He groaned over it, pulling back to look up at Keith, his lips glistening in the light seeping in through the windows.

“Baby you taste so good.”

Keith was sure he had died. He sucked his lip into his mouth, chewed at it, as Shiro leaned back down, mouth moving back to Keith’s clit. He sucked at it gently, the sound when his lips unsealed echoing in the shack. Keith got his hands in Shiro’s short, dark hair- tugging as Shiro moved to flicking his tongue up over his head quickly, swirling around it every few movements.

Keith moaned, dropped his head back and stared up at the dark ceiling. He felt out of his mind, like he was melting right off his bones, and the only thing holding him together were currents of electricity. He trembled, as Shiro sucked again, his hips gyrating slowly as he tried to get ever closer.

His chest was rising and falling rapidly, each breath a pant, as he felt his stomach going tight, _tight_ -

And the bursting, and Keith was crying out loudly. He squeezed his eyes shut, didn’t try to muffle himself or hold back. In the desert, the wind swallowed up his cries, drank down Shiro’s name off his lips like it could thirst like the lovers.

Keith trembled as Shiro kept licking him, even after his orgasm. He mewled, squirming, until Shiro finally lifted his head, smiling up at him.

“You… I…” Keith mumbled, trying to lift his head. Shiro pushed himself up entirely, leaned over him ad gripped his chin gently, holding him still as he pecked his lips.

Keith got a quick taste of _himself_ and was so sure this was a dream.

“Nothing is as hot as you when you come,” Shiro admitted, as Keith just stared through hazy eyes. Shiro leaned in, nuzzled his neck, simply breathed him in, and Keith wondered-

Was Shiro hard now?

He sat up, carefully- still naked and for the first time in his life not caring- and reached out, got his palm right against Shiro’s groin. He groaned just as Shiro did, squeezing the very obvious shape of his cock.

“Lemme,” he mumbled, both hands going to Shiro’s belt. He got it open quickly, deft fingers moving to open his pants- and then Shiro was straightening up, as Keith leaned forward, pulled his cock out and without hesitation, slid his mouth down over it.

Shiro cursed, got one hand in Keith’s hair affectionately as Keith move quickly. Rapid bobs of his head because he couldn’t bring himself to _tease_ , in that moment. He wanted Shiro to find release as quickly and perfectly as he had.

He gripped at Shiro’s hips, helping to keep himself steady more than anything, as Shiro’s other hand went up into his own hair, tugged until he groaned. His hips chased Keith’s mouth, bucking over his tongue farther and Keith just _took it_ like he needed it-

And when Shiro came, growling out like a damn monster from under Keith’s bed, Keith shivered, hot all over again. He swallowed, sucking even as the gruff sound turned into a _whine_ , and Shiro was over sensitive.

He leaned back, stared up at him as he licked his lips, and Shiro _shoved_ him, until his back hit the couch again. He climbed over one of Keith’s thighs, reaching back down- and he was rubbing his fingers along Keith again, getting them wet as Keith squirmed.

“What are you-” Keith broke off when Shiro slipped a dingle finger inside him, the words dissolving into a gasp, and then a shaking, broken moan. “ _Oh god_.”

“Do you like my cock in your mouth?”

What was Shiro-

Shiro leaned in close, breathed into Keith’s ear, “You like how my cum tastes?”

Oh _jesus_ Keith was going to die he was sure.

“Y-yeah,” Keith managed. He swallowed thickly, reaching for Shiro’s other hand, lifting it up and licking at two of his fingers. He opened his mouth, sucked them in slowly like they were Shiro’s cock again, and his boyfriend’s eyes lit up.

Shiro pushed his second finger into Keith, just as he slid his fingers over Keith’s tongue. He groaned, sucked at them, as he let one hand slid down his body, fingers moving over his clit.

“That’s it,” Shiro breathed, and Keith knew if he could be hard again already, he would be. “Get yourself off.” He curled his fingers, and Keith felt his nerves screaming back to life, hurdling him way too fast towards a second orgasm. He closed his mouth slightly, got the points of his teeth to just press against Shiro’s fingers, as he rubbed quickly, desperate and without rhythm, as Shiro fucked him.

And Keith wondered what it’d be like if it was Shiro’s _cock_ -

Shiro pulled his fingers out, in favor of leaning in, kissing Keith again. And god, Keith was sure Shiro could never get sick of kissing. He shivered, his body tightening around Shiro’s fingers once- and that got his boyfriend curling them again, rhythmically pressing until he found that spot inside Keith that had him panting into his mouth, fingers pushing hard against his clit-

This second orgasm had Keith sobbing brokenly, still rubbing at his clit as he clenched around Shiro’s fingers, over and over again. Shiro sighed, smiling as he let Keith break off to continue his hiccuping breaths, until he was calming down, his hand stilling.

Shiro pulled his fingers free, lifting them up- and before Shiro could do anything else, Keith was grasping his wrist, tugging his hand close and popping them into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them. Shiro groaned, pupils still blown, as Keith realized the two of them together-

Tasted like some sort of _bliss_.

“You’re wicked,” Shiro said, chuckling, as Keith released his fingers.

“Says the guy who got me off twice.”

Shiro kept grinning, settling on the couch next to Keith- taking a moment to readjust his clothing. The moment he was settled, Keith was curling up against his chest, content when Shiro’s arms were around him. He closed his eyes, could hear the steady rhythm of Shiro’s heart, in his chest.

And, after a few moments of silence, “I like this place.”

Shiro smiled, rubbing Keith’s back. “Then we’ll have to keep coming back. Just the two of us.” He leaned down, kissed the top of Keith’s head. “Our own space to get lost in.”

Keith yawned, would have smiled except he was bone-tired now. He couldn’t remember pleasure ever taking so much out of him. He rubbed his cheek against Shiro’s chest, as the wind picked up outside. It slipped in through the cracks in the shack, causing goosebumps to rise up on Keith’s skin.

“You’re cold,” Shiro whispered, but Keith just shrugged a shoulder. He wasn’t ready to move yet, needed another minute, needed to be wrapped up in Shiro longer before they climbed back on the hover bike, made their way back to reality.

“Hold me tighter,” Keith mumbled, “an’ I’ll be just fine.”

Shiro smiled, warm and loving, and gave Keith a squeeze. “That,” he whispered, his eyes soft and filled with so much adoration- if only Keith would look up, “I can do.”


	6. whatever you say

Keith heard the knock at his door from his bed, his book open in his lap. He looked up, against the sound of his roommate muttering at the game he was playing, his own books and notes shoved aside hours before.

When Keith realized _he_ wasn’t going to get it, he shut his book, climbing off his bed and padding over in his bare feet. He tapped the _release_ button, the door sliding open, expecting to see one of his roommate’s friends, coming over the make even _more_ noise for the night-

And instead, there was Shiro.

Keith perked up, a quiet _oh!_ leaving him, before, “Shiro, hi.”

“Hey.” He leaned in, pecked the corner of Keith’s mouth.

“What are you doing here? I thought you had drills to run.” Keith reached up, gripped at the collar of Shiro’s jacket and tugged him a step in. He leaned up, gave him a proper kiss, adding, “Not that I mind the surprise.”

Shiro chuckled, glancing past Keith at his roommate, who gave them a quick nod before returning his attention to his game.

“Can we talk for a second?”

“Hmm? Yeah, sure.” Keith let go of Shiro’s jacket, looped an arm in his and stepped into the hallway. It was rather late, and there wasn’t anyone walking by, as the door shut and Keith leaned against the wall, next to it. “About what?”

“I was pulled on my way to my flight drills,” Shiro started- and well, that accounted for his lack of jumpsuit. “It’s about my application for active mission duty.”

Ketih swallowed, nodding- and he didn’t need Shiro to finish. He could see it in his eyes.

“I was approved.” He paused, and then added, with a small, almost sad smile, “I’m going to the stars.”

“That’s-” Keith’s voice broke, and he hesitated, swallowing again, “That’s great, Shiro.” Shiro’s little smile disappeared, and he reached out, cupped one of Keith’s cheeks. “Did they give you any information?”

“I leave in two weeks,” he said, moving closer, boxing Keith in- but not in an aggressive way. If anything, it was comforting. “I’m-”

“Don’t,” Keith said, reaching up, touching his fingertips to Shiro’s lips. Smiling, this time. “This is good. You wanted this- I want it too, someday. So don’t apologize, and tell me where you’re going and how long I’m going to miss you for.”

“Kerberos,” he said, “You know-”

“One of Pluto’s moons. I do, babe. I studied just like you.” Keith leaned in, kissed Shiro’s jaw. “That’s a long one.”

“A few months,” Shiro admitted, “it’s a small crew I’m told. I haven’t been given any names yet.” He pushed closer, right up against Keith, “I wanted you to know before anyone else.”

“Well, I appreciate that. And hey,” Keith leaned back, let his head rest on the wall as he tipped it up, “I’m proud of you. This is amazing. It’s the start to your career. Most of us fresh out of the Garrison won’t be going that far.” He rubbed a hand down Shiro’s chest. “Consider it a test run to when we co-pilot to the stars, someday.”

Shiro chuckled, one of his hands covering Keith’s, giving it a squeeze. “Whatever you say, baby.” Another squeeze. “Whatever you say.”

*

Keith laughed into the wind, gripping the handles of the hover bike tightly. Shiro sat behind him, arms around his waist tightly, watching the desert disappear over his shoulder as they sped away from the Garrison. Keith didn’t get to drive nearly as much, simply because _Shiro_ was the one mapping out the desert-

But he wanted to prove he could find his way back to their little shack, on his own.

He took a sharp turn, leaning to help the bike turn, and Shiro followed. The bike tipped, and a few more degrees and it would have toppled over- but Keith was _good_ , and he knew the limits.

At least, he thought he did.

When he could see the shack in the distance he sped up more, zipping right by it and turning sharply again, pulling the bike right up in front of the door and settling it down in the sand. “You could give most people a heart attack,” Shiro said into his hair, still holding on tightly, even as the engine shut off.

“But not you?”

Shiro smiled. “Not me. I trust you- you know what you’re doing, even when you get to be an arrogant brat.” He leaned forward, kissed Keith’s cheek. “You’re _good_ , and don’t let anyone ever forget that.” He let go, climbing off, and Keith’s smile was a silent promise that he never would.

He hopped off, following Shiro inside. He was tugging the door shut as Shiro dropped the bag off his back onto the couch, opening it up carefully. He pawed through it, pulling out a tiny electric lamp and setting it on the floor, before he began to task of pulling out the blanket he had crammed in there.

Keith walked over, grabbing  the lamp and clicking it on. The small orb, settled on a simple metal stand, began to glow a faint blue, left on a low setting. He set it back on the ground, before he grabbed a part of the blanket, tugging it right off the couch Shiro had bunched it on, and fanning it out until it settled on the floor.

And with a mocking smile, the moment it had fallen, Keith dropped down onto it, flopping on his back and looking up at Shiro with pretty eyes and that smile. “Are you going to take me on the cabin floor?” he asked, arching a little. “I’ll pretend it’s a bear skin rug, if you pretend the lamp is a fireplace.”

Shiro snorted, getting down on the ground and crawling onto the blanket, over Keith. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Kiss me, probably. Isn’t that why you brought me out here?”

“I can kiss you anywhere, handsome.”

Keith hummed. “And yet, you’re _not_.” He reached up, looped his arms around Shiro’s neck, just to have his boyfriend lean down, peck his lips.

“You know, we have a _couch_ ,” Shiro reminded him, as Keith leaned up, kissed at Shiro’s throat.

“Uh-huh.”

“We could be _there_.”

“Mhm.”

Shiro chuckled, as Keith’s teeth dragged along his pulse. “And you’re not going to let me move, are you?”

“Oh, _you can move_ ,” Keith whispered, digging his nails into Shiro’s jacket. “But only closer. And maybe to take a few things off.”

Shiro grinned, pulling away to lift up on his knees. He pulled his jacket off, dropping it next to them, before he made a show of tugging his tshirt up over his head, tossing it away. Keith hummed his approval, pushing himself up on one elbow so he could reach up, rub his hand down Shiro’s abs. “Like that?” Shiro asked, and Keith nodded.

“ _Exactly_ like that.” Keith tangled their legs together, rolled them over so that Shiro thudded down against the blanket, on his back as Keith straddled his lap, shrugging his own jacket off. Shiro stared up at him, getting his hands on his thighs and squeezing. “You brought me out here for a reason,” Keith mused, gripping at the bottom of his own tshirt. “Why waste time?”

Shiro chuckled- but the sound was dark, from his chest, _wicked_ in ways Keith wanted to explore. “I brought you out here,” Shiro murmured, “because I wanted to be alone with you. Because I’m going to _miss_ you, and I want you all to myself as much as possible before I leave.”

Keith smiled, _real_ , and tugged his tshirt off, leaving it in the slowly growing pile of clothing next to them. He rocked down, sliding along Shiro’s lap, his own hands skimming down over the edge of his binder, along his stomach,

He was going to miss Shiro too. But it wasn’t _forever_ , he knew- and he’d simply take every second he could with him, now, and store it away to tide him over.

Shiro’s hands squeezed his thighs again, before they moved up, went for Keith’s belt. He worked it open, as Keith moved his hands back up, started work on his binder. By the time he had that off, Shiro had his pants open, was tugging them just down his hips, to see the striped fabric of Keith’s briefs. He pushed himself up, got his mouth on Keith’s ribs and kissed, one arm going around him to keep him steady. Keith sighed, as Shiro moved towards one side, kissed the gentle swell of his chest- before sucking at the sensitive skin, making Keith squirm, gasp, as blood rushed up towards the surface.

When Shiro pulled off, there was an angry red spot, sure to blossom to lilacs and buttercups, before the night was out.

“Marking me up?” Keith asked, lightly scratching his nails along Shiro’s scalp, through his short hair. Shiro hummed his acknowledgement, sucking another bruise towards the center of Keith’s chest now. Keith hissed, got a fistful of Shiro’s longer hair and _pulled_ , jerking his head back. Shiro’s eyes went wide, as Keith all but shoved him back to the floor, leaning down over him and dragging his tongue down his throat. “Two can play at that game.”

Keith felt Shiro’s hands on his back, blunt nails dragging lines that would glow red as he nibbled down his chest. He let his tongue roll out over one nipple- and the way Shiro suddenly arched, gasping so loudly it must have hurt his lungs, nearly had Keith moaning. He lifted his head slowly, his own wicked grin spreading across his face.

“Sensitive much?”

Shiro said nothing, a flush on his cheeks, and Keith leaned back down- sealing his mouth over Shiro’s nipple and sucking. Shiro bucked, but Keith used all his body weight to keep him down, worrying the hardening bud between his teeth, before letting his tongue swirl over it, to soothe the ache.

And when he was satisfied, he turned his head to the other.

Shiro was squirming, these little sounds coming from him that were a toss between mewling animal and desperate beast- and Keith was shaking over them. His hips were squirming, rocking- he was soaking wet and he _knew_ it, wanted Shiro’s mouth on him, his fingers _in him_ \- but god, he was having so much fun tearing him apart so damn easily-

When he pulled off, had left both nipples cherry red and swollen, Shiro finally collected himself enough to flip them. Keith landed hard, was thankful for the blanket to at least lessen the impact on the floor, as Shiro grabbed at his pants and underwear, tearing them down his thighs. Keith arched, laughing when everything got tangled up around his boots, as Shiro huffed in frustration, hanging his head.

“Sorry,” he offered, trying to loosen Keith’s boots, before Keith grinned. He tugged his legs away, pressing them tight together and lighting them straight up, grasping at the meat of his thighs as he rolled his head to the side, could just catch Shiro’s stare.

“Are you?”

Shiro swallowed thickly, eyes roving over Keith’s skin and making Keith feel _attractive_ in ways he never thought he would. He shook his head, before blurting, “I don’t know what I want to eat first,” and Keith felt his belly going so damn tight he thought he might come from that. He let his legs rest back on the blanket, sitting up and reaching for his boots, working the laces open.

“You’d better be naked by the time I’m done,” Keith warned, and Shiro’s hands flew to his pants, fumbling as he tried to nearly tear his clothing right off his body. By the time Keith was leaving everything in a pile, Shiro was naked and on his knees, watching like he was ready to do _anything_ Keith asked of him. Keith smiled over that, leaned back until he was supported on one elbow, rolling his hips and opening his thighs with a confidence he never _dreamed_ he’d have.

He didn’t have to say a word. Shiro was dropping down, sprawling out between Keith’s legs as he angled his hips up- and then Shiro’s mouth was there, kissing lightly over his clit, down along his lips, until his tongue could push at his hole, lap up the wetness that was quickly spreading.

Keith arched, grasping at the blanket and giving a half moan, half sigh. Shiro’s tongue dragged back up, before it was teasing his clit, over and over and _over_ again with purpose. He pushed his own thighs open wider, as Shiro’s hands dug into them. He groaned into Keith, pushing closer, hips rocking down into the blanket.

Keith dug his shoulder blades down, arching his back entirely off the floor. His belly was quivering, the muscles fluttering and _wanting, wanting, wanting_ \- everything and anything Shiro would give.

Keith let his mouth fall ope, panting as Shiro sucked at his clit, loving every obscene sound when his mouth pulled off and he went right back for another taste. He rocked his hips up, grinding against Shiro’s mouth, whining because he was hot and _empty_ and he’d never cared about being empty until Shiro’s fingers had first been in him-

“God, will you fuck me?” Keith asked, before another strangled sound left his mouth. The moment he asked, one of Shiro’s hands left his thigh, and two fingers were pushing into him, as Shiro kissed up off his clit, trailing towards his navel. Keith gasped, pushing himself down on those fingers, as Shiro curled them, rubbing up along his walls-

The moment he had Keith’s sweet spot, Keith gave a _cry_ and Shiro was groaning down into his skin.

“You’re perfect,” he mumbled, nipping at the sensitive skin just below his belly button. Keith’s head was spinning, his chest heaving with each breath-

But still wanted _more_.

“Shiro,” he managed, reaching down. He pushed himself up on one hand, the other reaching down, grasping his wrist and stilling his fingers so he could _think_. Shiro glanced up at him, a little confused but pulling his fingers from Keith’s body anyway. “I want,” Keith started, licked his lips. “I want you to fuck me.”

“I was,” Shiro said, and Keith felt his whole body wanting to shake, but-

“As in, your _cock_ in me.” Keith forced a grin, tried to make himself seem confident like he _had_ been a few minutes ago- but he wasn’t _sure_. Maybe Shiro didn’t want to-

Except Shiro was grabbing his chin and pulling him in for a rough kiss, nipping at his lip and _groaning_. “I like when you try to talk dirty,” he whispered, and Keith flushed, pulling back.

“ _Try_?” Shiro’s smile was genuine, teasing, and Keith frowned- before he leaned in, tossed his arm around Shiro’s neck and pushed right up to him, kissing at his jaw. “ _Please Shiro_ ,” he mumbled, “put your cock inside me.”

Shiro whined, eyes falling shut as they rolled, and Keith grinned. This time, it was real.

“Better?” Shiro nodded, as Keith kissed his cheek, before he nuzzled into his neck. “I mean it tho,” he added, sighing into Shiro’s warm skin. “I want to try it.”

“You’re sure?” Keith nodded, and Shiro wrapped his arms around him, gave him a reassuring, affectionate squeeze- the exact kind that Keith needed- before letting go. Keith leaned back down, supported on his elbows, watched as Shiro leaned over and grabbed his jacket, rummaging through the inner pockets.

Keith couldn’t _help_ but laugh when he came back, holding a condom between two fingers. “You were actually prepared for this?”

“A guy can dream,” Shiro said, winking, and Keith _kept laughing_ , which felt so damn good. He’d never expected to be able to laugh like he did, with Shiro. Even when they were being intimate.

He watched him tear open the wrapper, pulling the condom out and leaving the wrapper on the floor. He rolled it onto his cock carefully, as Keith spread his thighs more again, finding that _courage_ he’d hard earlier- giving his hips a little roll in anticipation. Shiro bit back a groan, digging his teeth into his own tongue, as he got back between Keith’s legs. He pulled him closer by his thighs, and Keith let out a little squeak as he slid along the blanket, giggling as he loosely got his legs around Shiro’s body.

“Really sure?” Shiro asked, and Keith nodded. He didn’t trust anyone _else_ with this, hell, he’d never wanted it before Shiro. And with Shiro leaving-

There was a tiny, little worm of distress in Keith’s belly that made him _worry_ he wouldn’t get the chance, otherwise.

Keith let all those thoughts drop off entirely when Shiro bent over, easing his cock into his body. Keith’s breath caught in his throat and he choked, squirming. Shiro moved slowly, groaning when Keith was pressed tight to his pelvis.

“Baby you’re _tight_ ,” Shiro whispered, rubbing his hands along Keith’s thighs. “Relax, it’s okay.” He gave him a squeeze, near his hips, before one of his hands moved to his clit, rubbing along it gently. Keith let his breath rush out, tipping his head back, as Shiro got it between two fingers, stroking it carefully. Keith squirmed, but Shiro refused to move his body beyond touching him.

Keith sucked in a breath, his body beginning to relax around Shiro as he was more aroused, the nerves falling away to pure want. When Keith felt like he couldn’t take it, he reached down, pushed Shiro’s hand away and began rubbing his clit himself.

“Come… on…” he managed, grinding his hips against Shiro. Shiro smiled, moving his hands back to Keith’s thighs and holding tight as he eased back, before thrusting back in. It was hard enough to jostle Keith, to have him moaning as his fingers worked over his clit desperately. The coil in his belly was building slowly, worked up earlier from Shiro’s tongue and _back_ now that he had both Shiro filling him and his own fingers finding every nerve.

Shiro arched his back slightly, fingers digging into Keith. He groaned each time he was fully inside Keith, was staring down with those deep grey eyes, a flesh on his cheeks, seeping down his neck even. Keith was moving to meet each of his thrusts, his fingers moving faster, beginning to lose their rhythm _fast_ -

“Shiro- _Takashi_ ,” he whined, and Shiro leaned over, slamming into him harder. “Baby I’m gonna come.”

Shiro _smiled_ , this perfect curve to his mouth that made Keith lose his damn mind. He fucked into him _harder_ , like he wanted to crack Keith’s bones open, and it was exactly what Keith wanted, needed- had to _have_ -

He cried out loudly, wordlessly, when he came, Shiro fucking him straight through it. His back arched, chest and throat bared as if Keith was offering himself up to Shiro. When he finally went lax he was buzzing, limp against the floor and staring up _star struck_ at his boyfriend.

Shiro smiled at him, lovingly, before he was suddenly pulling out- and Keith was confused, because he knew Shiro hadn’t come yet-

And then Shiro’s big hands were on his hips, _flipping him over_. Keith grunted, pushing up on his knees as his hands scrambled along the blankets- and then Shiro was grabbing his hips, jerking him back and slamming back into his body.

Keith _screamed_ , his throat feeling raw from it as his body clenched up, like he might come again. Each brutal thrust tore a gasp from him, as he pushed himself up on his elbows, began to shove his ass back until it nestled against Shiro’s pelvis.

“Takashi,” he whined, until the name was being forced right out his throat by the sheer power behind Shiro’s thrusts. “Takashi, _Takashi Takashi_.”

He couldn’t _stop_ and from the way Shiro was fucking him he didn’t want him to. Keith swore his voice was going to be gone, when Shiro was finally moaning out his name, hips stilling as he bent over him, grasping at his hips like he was afraid Keith was going to slip away, fall into a void somewhere and never be found again.

Keith whimpered, shaking because he was so damn turned on _again_ and he wasn’t prepared for that- but the moment Shiro pulled out he was leaning forward, bracing himself on one hand and dipping his head down, licking along Keith’s lips, tongue pushing into his hole. Keith gave a sharp cry, shaking all over as Shiro’s tongue fucked into him.

His body was hot from the friction, burning against Shiro’s mouth as he lapped at him, one of Keith’s hands reaching down to rub his clit again. He was shaking, pushing back against Shiro’s tongue-

And then it was trailing up, over sensitive skin _not touched before_ , and then one of Shiro’s hands was pulling at Keith’s ass, his tongue pushing against his asshole, and Keith choked out a broken gasp.

He turned his head, pressed his cheek against the blanket, rubbing furiously because he was so _close_ again. He could feel himself dripping down on his fingertips, as Shiro shifted, supported himself on his knees so he had a hand free. He pushed two fingers back into Keith, and Keith was _gone_ , sobbing out his name again as he shook all over, his orgasm wrecking him so thoroughly he couldn’t even _see_.

Shiro kept fucking him, his tongue lapping over his asshole until Keith was whining, pulling his body away. “I’m going,” he started, panting, “to _die_ if you keep going.”

Shiro pulled back, straightening up as Keith collapsed down to the blanket. He shivered, swore he was riding the aftershocks, as Shiro rubbed the back of one thigh affectionately.

“That’s not my goal,” Shiro offered with a smile, “cross my heart.”

“Don’t you _dare_ hope to die,” Keith warned, glancing back, face deeply flushed. Shiro chuckled, gave his thigh a pay, before he stretched out next to him. Keith managed to roll over, squirming until he was tucked up under Shiro’s chin, his boyfriend’s arms locking tightly around him.

“You’re okay, right?” Shiro asked, kissing his hair, and Keith nodded.

“Uh-huh. Pretty sure I’ll never get that close to death again.” He kissed Shiro’s collar bone. “You make me feel so _good_.”

Shiro smiled, snuggling down into Keith’s hair. “That’s all I want.” He yawned, and Keith _laughed_ , freely up from his belly.

“Something tells me we’re not making it back to the Garrison tonight.”

“They won’t miss us for one night,” Shiro mumbled, “although I’d recommend we get off the _floor_.” Keith continued to laugh, squirming closer, tangling their legs together.

“I’ll stay on the floor if it’s with you,” he whispered, _honestly_. “Every night.”

Shiro hummed. “We’ve got plenty of nights before I leave.” He splayed his hand on Keith’s back, rubbing affectionately. “And I’m yours every single one of them.”

“Good.” Keith lifted his head, tipping it back so Shiro could bend down, kiss him slowly. It was lazy, satiated and affectionate, the kind that had Keith’s heart doing things he never dare admit.

Keith hoped it was true. The best he could hope for was for every night to be stolen out here. And if that was what he got, a string of desert nights wrapped up in Shiro, against the sounds of the cold wind, well-

He’d be alright. It’d tide him over, until Shiro finally came back to him.


	7. somehow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if this one seems a bit disjointed, it was a conglomerate of things I felt we needed to know/see in this narrative.

In the dark, Keith could just make out Shiro’s face. He didn’t know what time it was, didn’t have the heart to roll over and look away for a moment, even.

He’d been slipping in and out of sleep all night. Pressed up close to Shiro, chest to chest with their legs tangled together, every time he woke up he found him sleeping right there. And god, he was going to miss waking up to this.

Their last night. It felt surreal, like some sort of joke- but it was _real_ , Keith knew. Come morning, Shiro would be leaving him, leaving _everyone_ , for Kerberos.

He was proud, elated- and he was sickened with sadness down to the pit of his belly, because he would _miss_ him.

Keith shifted, running his hand along Shiro’s side, feeling the sheet shifting against his bare legs. They had spent their last night in Shiro’s room- his roommate had given them privacy, gone elsewhere. And as much as Keith had wanted to be in their little shack, lost in the desert- well, it was nice to be intimate on a real bed. To sleep in it. Besides, Shiro had to be up early-

He heard a little grunt, and dragged his eyes up, from the spot he had been staring at, on Shiro’s shoulder. Those gorgeous grey eyes were opening, looking at him- sleepy. Shiro smiled at him, tightening his arm.

“Hey,” he mumbled, and Keith smiled, pausing to squeezed his hand on Shiro’s waist.

“Hi.”

“Can’t sleep?” Keith shook his head, and Shiro leaned in, lazily kissed his forehead. “Am I keeping you up?” A shake of his head. Shiro yawned. “What’s on your mind, then?”

“Just… you.” Keith swallowed. “That I’m going to miss you.” Shiro smiled again, and Keith tipped his face up, let Shiro kiss him very slowly.

“I’ll miss you too baby,” Shiro mumbled, against his mouth. “But I’ll come back to you.” He tightened his arm around Keith. “Nothing could keep me away.”

Keith smiled, sucked on his lower lip as he felt his heart fluttering a little bit. And, in the dead of night, when they had no business at all being awake, he whispered in a voice that barely wanted to work-

“I love you,” because if he didn’t say it, he knew he’d regret it. Something in his belly was uneasy, and he couldn’t put a finger on _what it was_.

Shiro’s smile turned into a grin- and didn’t disappear, as he kissed Keith. “Yeah?” he whispered, rolling them over, until Keith was pressed onto his back, in the sheets. Shiro’s mouth moved over his jaw, down to his neck. “Say it again.”

Keith smiled, arching- letting his eyes slid shut as Shiro sucked lazily at his pulse. “Love you, Takashi,” he mumbled, dragging his nails lightly along Shiro’s back. Shiro’s mouth moved down to his collar bone, towards the center of his chest- and Keith’s breath caught. Another _love you_ rasped out, before he was slipping his legs open, hooking them around Shiro’s legs.

They wouldn’t sleep again for an hour, easily. If Keith had it his way, they would have been up all night. If only so that he had every minute monopolized, set aside for him, and only him.

*

Keith watched, from the general crowd, as the ship readied for departure. He felt small and insignificant, within the crowd. Felt like a ghost.

He reached up, pressed his fingers to his mouth. Still tender from Shiro’s kisses, from the way he had devoured his mouth one last time, before leaving his room. From the way his teeth had pinched, how he’d had Keith lifted up, pushed against a wall, was kissing him to keep him _quiet_ -

Keith felt heat rising in his cheeks and pushed it down, swallowed down the endless _desire_ he could barely handle. But _damn_ if Shiro didn’t make him feel good- and good about himself, his body, the skin he knew was _his_.

He rubbed his lower lip, surrounded by people that, ultimately, had no idea what he was letting go, in that moment. He and Shiro weren’t _secretive_ about what they were, but yet it seemed rarely noticed, despite the fact that Shiro had no qualms kissing him, any and everywhere.

Keith inhaled deeply, watched as the ship suddenly pulled up from it’s supports- and it was going, a burst of fire and metal up into the sky. He held his breath, his heart hammering up into his head, ringing in his ears, waiting or it to clear the atmosphere.

When it did, he finally exhaled. Let the breath rush out of him, the slight dizziness from sucking in another breath over take him. He closed his eyes, and told himself it was alright. It was only a few months. And then Shiro would be back. Back in his arms. Back to tell him he loved him again, like he had murmured, over and over, after Keith had confessed in the night.

It was only a few months.

*

It was two weeks after Shiro left that Keith decided he was ready to take what he considered his final step. He’d saved up for _so damn long_ while a student, hiding away the stipend the Garrison gave students for _recreational activities_ , along with working various jobs they would give him.

He stood in his room, alone, looking at the bag he had packed. It was small, but enough. He was holding his binder, thinking how _good_ it would feel to not have to wear it anymore. Thinking how nice it would be to strip down to the waist around his fellow students and _not_ feel like he was exposed and _strange_ in his skin.

He dropped it, reached up, ran his hands over his chest, free beneath his tshirt. All anyone would know was that he was having some _minor medical surgery_ as he was putting it to everyone- and luckily, no one really as interested in prying. And yeah, it wasn’t minor- but it made it sound like he was getting his _tonsils_ out, and not taking the final step in his transition.

He knew, _had known for some time_ , that it’d be the final. He had no desire to change any other part about him- his testosterone already made him feel great. And having someone who hadn’t shamed him, rejected him- well, it had made him feel so damn good in his body that he _liked it_ , for the first time.

Keith grabbed his bag, dropping it onto the floor and settling down on his bed. He flopped down, head landing on his pillow, and stared up at the ceiling. Wondered what Shiro was staring at, in that moment. Was he actively piloting- was the ship taking control. Was he _enjoying himself_?

He couldn’t wait to hear about it, already. Couldn’t wait for him to be back, to see Keith with an even _stronger_ confidence than he had left- couldn’t wait to hear Shiro tell him he was handsome and gorgeous and down right _amazing_ like he loved to- wanted to see his face when he talked about all he had soon.

He was counting down the weeks, the days, already. At least he was closer than the day Shiro had left.

*

The day it was announced that the Kerberos mission was _lost_ , Keith was sure he died.

He had been returning from an evening piloting drill, had been feeling _good_ because he was, as ever, at the top of his class. Could hear students mumbling about how they set _him_ as the bar to beat- and as if that wasn’t enough, he could breath, take in deep breaths without the constricting feeling of fabric, on his chest.

Never again.

He’d found a group of students clustered around one of the many news screens, littered about the Garrison hallways. He never knew _what_ made him care enough to stop, to listen in-

But the word _Kerberos_ had been enough to keep him. And he’d had to watch, in silent horror, as one of the heads of the Garrison spoke about the mission and it’s small crew- and how they were considering the mission _lost_ , due to a lack of contact for a lengthy period of time. Keith felt his hands shaking, and he stuffed them into the pockets of his uniform, trying to hide them.

He was dreaming. It was a nightmare. This _couldn’t be_.

But it was all he heard, the whole afternoon. The evening. Into the night, until he felt like he was mad with it, crazy within his skin- and he was stealing a hover bike, not bothering with convincing someone to let him out, like Shiro might have done-

No, he was sneaking out and speeding far away from the Garrison, off into the desert sands. Until he was past rock cliffs, the tiny shack in the distance.

He left his bike outside it and threw the door open, nearly running into the darkness. He didn’t bother with the tiny lamp he and Shiro kept there- ignored the couch and simply slumped down on the floor, staring off at a blanket, dark wall.

Staring and letting himself dissolve into _nothing_ for just a damn moment, letting the shock seep into his bones.

The mission was lost. And that meant Shiro-

Shiro was gone.

Shiro wasn’t coming home.

And Keith, he was alone again.

He let his head lull forward, eyes falling shut. Behind them, he could see Shiro smiling. He could _hear_ him laughing, hear the way he always called him _baby_ , how he whispered his name into his ear their last night together.

The way he’d said, _I love you_ after Keith had admitted it.

Keith felt a tremor running through him, and didn’t fight it. He shook, felt the corners of his eyes going wet. Despite keeping his eyes squeezed shut the tears were coming, running down his cheeks and leaving them wet, salty. He sucked a breath in, but it came out a whine, a choked sob.

Shiro wasn’t coming back _ever_ and- he just- he-

Keith fell forward, fisted hands slamming into the floor. The old wood creaked as he opened his mouth and _screamed_. Screamed from his gut and knew no one would hear him, and even if they did, they wouldn’t understand.

Shiro was the only person to ever accept him, to see him and know him and understand him and _love him_ -

He’d given Keith the chance to love _himself_ , had helped him find a confidence he hadn’t ever thought he’d have.

He’d made Keith feel _good_ , in body, mind, down in his damn _soul_.

 _And he was gone_.

Keith choked, lifting his head up enough and opening his eyes. Through the film of tears, he could see the dark wall, empty and blank, could hear the wind whistling through this tiny shack. This place that had been theirs. The only place in the world they’d ever have.

Carefully, Keith pushed himself up. He turned, trudged over to the couch and dropped down onto it, grabbing the blanket they hadn’t bothered to even fold, the last time. It was cold from the night air creeping in, but he didn’t care. He wrapped it around himself, pressed his wet face into it and breathed deep.

It smelled like Shiro.

He choked again, and knew, in that moment, he never wanted to leave this place. Because if he closed his eyes, if he blocked out everything, he could live a lie. He could believe Shiro was all around him, that he was just _waiting_ for him to come home.

He could pretend that Shiro was out there, somewhere. That someday, he’d come back home.

Someday, he’d come back to Keith.

Someday, somehow…


	8. losing him again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place during episode 1.

Keith’s lungs burned, as the door open and he braced himself. Burned from the desert air he’s inhaled flying over, from the smell of gasoline- from the energy buzzing inside him.

This had to be a dream.

But he hoped it _wasn’t_.

A few swift punches, and the men that had rushed him were down- easier than he had expected. It made him feel light on his feet, feel like he could burst under his skin, because he had _power_ under his skin that he hadn’t tested in so long- not since washing out, since _before_.

Keith hurried across the room, towards the gurney, reaching forward with shaking fingers. He grasped the man’s chin, turning his face slightly-

And it didn’t matter that his skin was a shade paler than he remembered, that the scar on his face was new- not even the shock of white hair mattered-

Keith would remember that face _forever_.

“Shiro,” he whispered, barely able to make the name escape up his choked throat. He unsheathed his knife, slicing up through the restraints quickly before tucking it away and leaning over, pulling Shiro up.

His body wieght was similar. Not much weight lost, and despite everything, for a _moment_ , Keith got s rush of Shiro’s scent, the kind that used to cling to Shiro’s pillows late at night, that Keith had smelld in some of Shiro’s clothing that he’d taken room his room, after his disappearance.

He bit his lip, pulling him up from the gurney and getting his arm over his shoulders, supporting his weight. Despite Shiro having always been bigger than him, Keith was confident he could support him, get him back to his hover bike.

The moment he had him though, the doors opened, and suddenly, “Oh no, no, no! I’m saving Shiro!”

“Who are you?” Keith asked, clutching tighter at Shiro’s wrist. With supporting his body weight, he couldn’t exactly get in any sort of position to fight anyone else off-

Except the guy, who seemed _vaguely familiar_ , was moving to Shiro’s other side, getting his arm up around his shoulders.

“Who am I? Uh, the name’s _Lance_.” Keith stared, silently, and Lance’s face fell a little. “We were in the same class at the Garrison.”

“Really?” Keith asked, fighting the urge to just _sprint_. This was all more human interaction than he’d had in months, and his only real thought was to get Shiro _far away from here_. “Are you an engineer?”

Keith had taken a lot of engineer courses- had been very firm on being _multi-talented_ and cross-trained for emergencies. And Shiro had always praised that in him, used to ruffle his hair and talk about how smart he was.

Now wasn’t the time to think about that.

“No, I’m a pilot. We were like rivals, ya know?” Lance’s brow furrowed. “Lance and Keith, neck and neck.”

Keith didn’t _remember_ rivals, and he knew he hadn’t blocked out so much. He’d always been _alone_ , before Shiro. And then there’d only been him-

“Oh,” he said, thinking the voice was beginning to click to a face, maybe one he’d seen a few times. “Wait, I remember you. You’re a cargo pilot.”

At least, Keith _thought_. Things blurred a lot, these days.

“Well not anymore. I’m fighter class now, thanks to you washing out.”

Keith frowned. “Well,” he managed, turning to face away, because he didn’t _want_ to see this guy’s face. Didn’t need any reminders of his own failures and short comings and all the _breaking points_ he had moved well past. “Congratulations.” He took a step, and _thankfully_ , Lance moved in time with him-

And silently, maybe Keith was a little thankful that someone was helping with the weight on his shoulders.

Once outside and piled onto his bike, Keith felt the adrenaline picking up again, as the lights blinded him. Wanted to trap him, cage him in.

He revved the engine, before the bike jerked up into the air- and, okay, he was glad there was someone to hold Shiro in place.

It felt good, though, within seconds, to be racing at such a speed, to be using his brain to calculate _exactly_ when to tell these people to lean, to help balance his turns. And launching off the edge of a cliff-

It was a rush he had _missed_.

“Shut up and trust me!” he yelled, pulling back and getting the bike to pull up just in time, to race across the desert.

*

He took them back to the only place he _could_. The only home he had now. Shiro was coming to, slowly, when Keith finally killed the engine at the shack. Everyone began climbing off, Lance guiding Shiro down into the big man’s arms. Hunk, Keith thought he heard, once.

He paid attention even if no one thought he did.

“There’s clothes inside that will fit him,” Keith said, not moving from the bike, “probably will be more comfortable.”

The only one that looked at him, that seemed to think that was strange, was the little one.

Keith stayed on the bike, as they disappeared into the shack. He didn’t need to follow, didn’t need to listen to them wondering why he had them, where they were- what had _become_ of him.

He’d been gone from the Garrison for _months_.

He gritted his teeth, trying to inhale slowly, through his nose. But his lungs still burned, and the scars on his chest began to _itch_.

They did that, when he was anxious. He hated it, hated the urge to rip something on him open just to let the anxiety out. He swore it’d never been this bad, before- before-

“Pull it together,” he muttered to himself, bringing the bike back to life. He eased it around to the back of the shack, still working to catch his breath when he heard the door to the shack opening, and footsteps, heavy in the sand, moving away from it.

The lack of _speaking_ told him it would only be one person.

He wanted to run, to sprint at full speed around the shack, to throw himself on Shiro-

And a part of him wanted to run away because what if he was _dreaming_ and he woke up.

He couldn’t live through that. He’d done it enough.

He waited a minute, two, _three_ , before he hoped off, walking slowly around the shack. Shiro’s form was haunting, daunting, this dark shadow against the slow rise of the sun. Dream-like and nightmare filled and making Keith’s chest hurt and his head spin.

He walked up behind him, reaching out and gently resting his hand on his shoulder. “It’s good to have you back,” he said, stepping up next to him, as those gunmetal eyes that haunted his dreams turned, stared at him for the first time in a year.

Keith was dying and he didn’t ever want to be revived.

Shiro let his breath out. “It’s good to be back.” Warm, but still… something felt _off_.

“So what happened out there?” Keith asked, while his mind screamed _what took you from me_. “Where were you?”

_What kept you away so long? Why didn’t you come back? You promised…_

“I wish I could tell you…” It came out pained, as Shiro didn’t _look_ at him, but out at the desert. “My head’s still pretty scrambled. I was on an alien ship. Somehow I escaped, it’s all a blur… how did you know to come save me when I crashed?”

Keith didn’t have to heart to tell him he’d dreamt about this moment, since Shiro was gone. Dreamt about him falling from the sky only to gather him up, carry him back away. They had to get lost in space, _he had promised_.

He didn’t know how to tell Shiro that his every thought since he _left_ was how to find him again.

“You… should come see this,” Keith said, turning and gesturing towards the shack, before moving away from Shiro.

Mostly because he knew, from the fact that Shiro had yet to call him _baby_ once, that he hadn’t said his name or wrapped those arms around him- knew that something in Shiro was _gone_.

Knew that a lot more was scrambled in his head than he was letting on.

Showing not only Shiro, but the entire group his ravings, his maps, felt like Keith was baring a new part of himself not meant for eyes. He couldn’t explain to them that this had been keeping him sane, the whole time. That if he hadn’t hunted for Shiro, that if he hadn’t had something to pour himself into-

The grief would have destroyed him.

Watching Shiro speak with them, the introductions- he felt hazy, felt like he was behind a wall and couldn’t touch them. He took the time, the single few moments, to take in Siro’s changes again- the dig of a pink scar along his beautiful face, and his fingertips _itched_ to touch it. He wondered if it ever hurt like his scars did-

And Shiro would have no idea why they _existed_ , no idea the steps Keith had taken while he was gone…

No idea at all of what he had done to help give Keith the courage to take those steps, the support and the love-

Having him back was like losing him, all over again.


	9. ghost of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This also takes place curing episode 1, and directly after.

Keith skidded to a stop, staring up in the large room at the looming shape of the Lion, settling behind its force field. Staring down at him with empty eyes as if he didn’t _see_ him-

Yet, Lance had talked about his Lion’s eyes following him.

Keith swallowed, wished so badly he wasn’t standing there alone. Wished there was a voice in his ear to make his legs move, wished that voice was _Shiro_ because Shiro had always filled him with confidence and-

He needed to get past that, He knew he did. He could find it in himself, he had, for _months_. Just because Shiro was back didn’t mean he could fall back into that-

Except, it didn’t _feel_ like he was back at all.

Keith crossed the room, still staring up at the Lion. “Bingo,” he said, letting himself smile- cocky, like what everyone had once expected of him, at the Garrison. The shield so that no one could pick away at his insides, see everything he had hidden from them.

He put that same shield up for the Lion.

“Open up,” he said, sounding slightly relieved. “It’s me, Keith. Your buddy”

Lance’s Lion had responded to him so easily, Keith could only expect the same of his.

His hand pressed to the force field, expecting it to the light up, to open up to him. _Accept him_.

Except… nothing happened.

He furrowed his brow. “It’s me, _Keith._ Your- I am your Paladin!” He fisted his hand, smacked it into the force field, frustration building in his belly. He had to do this, Shiro- the whole team- they trusted him, they _needed_ him. If he didn’t leave with the Red Lion, they couldn’t form Voltron, and then they- the whole damn universe- would be doomed.

He didn’t have time to dwell on how crazy that was. Hadn’t had time to dwell on _anything at all_ , and that was possibly the only reason he wasn’t a spiraling mess, yet. The only reason his anxiety was just a clawing talon in his gut, an itch in the scars on his chest.

An energy beam shot past him, hit the force field, and Keith turned, raising his shield, his bayard forming a shield that deflected a few shots. He didn’t have time for this-

“I’m bonding with you!” He yelled, the anger almost showing in his voice. Because he was _alone_ and this was _impossible_ and why did the whole damn world have to rest on his shoulders when he could barely hold up his own damn life lately-

He just wanted to get to dwell on the fact, for a minute, that Shiro was back and _maybe_ things would be right again.

“Hey, c'mon! We’re connected!”

Because _he_ was temperamental too? Because he was a wild card- he’d proven that. He’d lost himself when Shiro was lost, he’d let himself fall into grief…

He had to be _more_ than that, again. He had to be the man he was, when he thought Shiro was safe, when he thought this adventure in space would be exactly like they had planned.

Keith brought up his bayard, the sword extending, and gritted his teeth. _Fine_. If it was a fight the Galra wanted, it was a fight they’d _get_. He’d fought his whole damn _life_ , to come to terms with who he was, to keep it his secret because the world was _ugly_ and didn’t _understand_.

He’d fought too damn hard and too damn long to lose himself yet.

“You’re not getting this Lion!” he yelled, as he charged one of the drones, bringing his sword down with a heavy swing into it. Silently, he was thankful for the training at the Garrison, that he’d kept his body in shape- and after, all those long days roaming the desert, looking for a _sign_ , just a whisper that somewhere, Shiro was alive. Okay.

Thanked the fact that radiating from his core, through his bones, out to his fingers- _he was built to fight_.

Another swing took out one drone’s legs, before the energy beams hit him, shot him back. He fell, smashing his shoulder and groaning over it, getting a hand on the floor and trying to push himself up. He glanced at the control panel, before an _idea_ hit, and he closed the mask portion of his helmet. His fist slammed down on the controls, and the hatch opened, the space vacuum sucking at the drones. Keith grasped desperately at the control, hissing breaths through his teeth as he tried to keep his hold. He could feel his fingers slipping-

And then a piece of debris smashed one hand. It flew back and he groaned, nearly biting his tongue, telling himself _no, not yet!_

Not when he was so close, not when people _needed him_ -

But another piece of debris smacked into his other hand, forced his grip to go slack, and suddenly he was flying back, out of the ship and into the vast range of space.

For a moment, he was floating, drifting awash in the darkness around him. It was felt like _nothing_ , like weightless water that couldn’t touch him. The stars burned around him, his only lights aside of the ship that was slowly drifting from him, leaving him so utterly alone.

He panted, could almost see his breath on his mask, before suddenly the darkness got _darker_ , and then something was opening up, sucking him in.

 _His Lion_.

It was a mess, at first- smacking his body against the tunnel that led down to the control center. The force of the vacuum sucking him into the Lion hadn’t given him the chance to grab a hold of the zip line that could carry him down- but when he finally tumbled and _landed_ , saw the chair waiting for him- well, he could ignore the way his body was screaming.

He pushed himself up, gritted his teeth and _grinned_ as he walked towards it, dropping into the chair. Despite the fact that he wanted to slump back, to just _breathe_ , he forced himself to sit up straight- to appear the _king_ he should be, in that moment. Hands on the controls, the chair moved forward, settled perfectly in front of the controls, and Keith’s grin only grew.

“Good kitty,” he said, gripping the controls a little tighter. “Let’s roll.”

*

The rush of victory felt good, beneath Keith’s skin. The hum of adrenaline made him feel _alive_.

Realizing that he might have taken more of a beating than the others, and Allura clearly stating she wanted to take a look at him- well, that _didn’t_.

“I’m fine,” Keith said, even as it was just her stare and Shiro’s now. The rest were dissipating, Coran ready to show them to where they could _rest_ , for a minute. “Really.”

“You should be checked over,” Allura said, reaching out but not touching. Keith flinched away from her hands, before Shiro’s went down on his shoulder, squeezed gently.

“You took a beating,” he said, his eyes soft, _caring_. “Just let her look you over.”

Keith shivered. Shiro’s fingers, despite his glove, felt like the sweetest memories, made his cheeks flush a little. Allura inclined her head, and he _knew_ she noticed. He ripped away instead, rushing away from the both of them, calling out that _really, he was fine_.

All it took was a point from Coran for him to find a room he could call his own. A little fiddling, and he got the door to slid open, sprinting inside and leaning against it, when it closed. He tipped his head back, let his eyes fall shut-

She couldn’t see, _none of them could._ Not Allura or any of his former classmates-

Or Shiro.

And that, _that hurt_. Made Keith’s chest cave in, because he was back in a place he had never thought he’d be again- closeted completely. From the world, from the man he had let himself love…

He ripped his helmet off, flinging it towards the bed. It landed, bounced a few times, as Keith ripped his gloves off, left them on the floor.

It was clear to him, given even a few moments to dwell on it now. Shiro didn’t remember. He seemed to _know_ him, but he didn’t remember what he and Keith had, what Keith had given him, so many times-

The truth. Himself. An open door to his damn _soul_.

He was bitter and he tasted vile and he _hated it_.

He unzipped his suit, working it off his shoulders. He winced as his left rolled, from hitting it so hard back on the ship, trying to get to his Lion. He tugged it off, let it pool around his waist, and stared down at his body. He’d sport bruises, later, maybe in the morning. Didn’t matter, bruises faded-

His scars though, they were _there_. And once, he hadn’t been like this about them- he’d been _excited_ for Shiro to see them, because he knew he’d think of them as a testament to the strides he was making, in his transition. He’d look at them as victory lines, left on Keith’s body so he could never forget.

And Keith had been _ready_ to let the world see them. Had finally thought that once he could handle Shiro’s fingers mapping them, learning them, that he’d be willing to let the Garrison see him for all he had overcome.

But now… now…

They itched, _burned_ , and Keith wanted to dig into his skin. He fought the urge down, just as there was a knock at his door.

“What?” he barked, and there was silence for a moment.

“Keith… open up.” _Shiro_.

“Go away,” he said, and it _hurt_ to sound angry towards him. “I’m fine.”

More silence. Keith wondered if Shiro was pressing his hand to the door- was it flesh or his new enhancement-

What could _that_ feel like, on his scars? Would it be a mingling of the darkness in both of them, would it be healing- would it simply be a travesty?

“Keith…” Shiro’s voice, wrapped around his name, made his chest cave in. Keith turned, pressing his hands to the door, wishing he could touch Shiro’s hands. Wishing he could kiss his fingertips and let him remember everything they had.

But Shiro had gone through _so much_ , and Keith didn’t feel _right_ bombarding him with everything. Felt like Shiro needed to remember, slowly, on his own.

“If you’re sure,” Shiro finally said. He paused, and then added, “You did good out there.”

Keith swallowed thickly, his stomach going to knots like it used to, around Shiro. “Thanks,” he managed- and he wanted to believe Shiro was smiling. That he was still capable of that.

There was more silence, and for a moment, Keith thought Shiro was gone. But then, softer than before, “It’s good to see you again.”

The sounds of his footsteps gave him away, and Keith would have ripped the door open, had he not had half his suit pooled around his waist. Wanted to throw his arms around Shiro, to hold onto him and simply _sob_ because it was heaven and hell to be with him again, it was everything he wanted and yet everything he was terrified of.

“You too,” he whispered to the empty space on the other side of his door, before he tipped his head forward, let his forehead rest against it. He squeezed his eyes shut as the corners burned, and told himself he wouldn’t cry.

Like he had told himself, every night at the Garrison- and then alone, in the desert. In a shack that was galaxies away, where he had tucked away all his memories, all his love for the man that was once again a ghost to him.

Where he had left his life as he knew it behind.


	10. this side of the galaxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place right after episode 2.

Saying he’d be out the moment his head hit the pillow had been a lie, and Keith knew it. But he talked up the calm he didn’t feel regardless, if only to bury the growing itch he felt in his fingertips.

It had been _days_ since his last T patch. He’d kept the one he’d had on when they left Earth for as long as he could, but the skin had begun to grow irritated, and he knew at that point it was worthless. It was only a matter of time until it showed a little.

He crept down the hallway, sticking close to the wall. It was well past what he assumed had to be midnight- time was hard to really judge here. But everyone was asleep- had to be, with how early Allura liked to wake them. The castle could be a ghost town.

He didn’t know what he was looking for, making his way for the center, for Allura’s control center. All he knew was that there had to be _something_ on this ship to help him. Something he could use, maybe _instead_ of testosterone?

He was reaching and he didn’t care. He was feeling anxious and hating it, getting headaches and growing nauseous at random times. It was hard enough to focus to form Voltron- but with this addition, it was nearly impossible. He’d been terrified during their drills his teammates would have noticed, rooting around in his head.

He’d been terrified what Shiro might have found.

Keith pressed at the control panel at the doorway, and the door opened up to the dark control room. He stepped in, heading for the center and bringing the computer to life, trying to navigate it. He needed a map- he couldn’t remember where the medbay was, but that seemed like the best place to start. Did the castle have any sort of _scientific_ facilities? He didn’t know, it was so expansive, so many rooms left unexplored-

“What are you doing up?”

Keith froze, glancing behind him- and in the doorway stood Allura. She looked slightly _less_ fearsome in her nightgown- but only slightly. Her white waves were tussled, and it was obvious she had risen directly from bed.

“And more importantly, what are you doing in here?” She stepped in, the door sliding shut behind her, sealing them in. Keith swallowed, forcing his hands into fists- he should have had a lie, could have said he was curious, he was _bored_ , he was sleepwalking-

But if there was anything he was realizing, it was how ungodly _alone_ he felt, even with Shiro back. How _lonely_ it was to have no one understand again- and that he couldn’t do it. Not after knowing what it was like to have someone support him.

“I need something,” he admitted, “I was hoping you might have it somewhere on this ship- or the ability to make it.” Allura frowned, taking a few more steps towards him, pausing only three steps back.

“What could you need that you did not ask for?”

Keith chewed at the inside of his lip, before he shrugged his jacket off. He tossed it over the control panel, leaving his gloves on and reaching for the hem of his shirt. “It’s called testosterone,” he said, before pulling his tshirt off over his head, dropping it on his jacket. “It’s found in men and women alike- but some people have a lower level.”

Allura inclined her head, and Keith knew where her eyes were- grazing over his scars. He inhaled, squared his shoulders and lifted his chin and told himself all the fear and all the years closeted away from everyone- they didn’t matter. They didn’t need to be real, in that moment.

“I don’t know if your bodies work like ours do-”

“I understand this hormone level,” Allura said, folding her arms, her eyes moving back up respectfully to Keith’s. “Alteans have it as well, although from what the ship’s logs have told me about human biology, to a far less diversifying degree.”

Keith nodded, shifting, feeling strange being half naked, _exposed_. “Listen… I wasn’t… born with the body that fit who I am. It’s called being transgender-”

“I understand the concept.” A raised hand had Keith clamping his mouth shut. “And I do not mean to interrupt- but you are quite obviously uncomfortable.” She took a step, one more, and reached out, taking both his hands in his. “That is not something I want.”

Keith exhaled, a smile crossing his face- the real kind, and it had Allura smiling back. She squeezed his hands.

“No one else knows?”

Keith swallowed, opened his mouth- and then shut it again. The truth had been _good_ for him, so far, but- “Someone did, once,” he admitted, and he could feel Allura’s thumbs rubbing in soothing little circles by his wrists. “He’s forgotten now.”

Allura’s pretty eyes narrowed, just slightly, as she studied Keith- and could she see the sadness in his eyes? Could she see how much he _missed_ Shiro, even though he was _right there_? How much it hurt to see him every day and know he didn’t remember what they’d been, together.

“Shiro.” She said his name quietly, and Keith nodded.

“He knew once, back before Kerberos. Before the Galra took him… he knew all about me.” Keith took his hands back, wrapped his arms around himself and hugged tightly. “He saw me and he loved every bit of who I was.”

It felt so _good_ to admit it.

Allura’s eyes continued to study, felt like they held galaxies within them- like she could pick Keith apart at the seams and understand every crevice between his bones. Finally, she gave the smallest of nods. “He forgot- about what you two had, during his captivity?” Keith nodded. “And you haven’t taken it upon yourself to remind him?”

“I don’t know how to,” Keith admitted, “I don’t know how to look Shiro in the eye and just _ask_ if he remembers fucking me in a shack out in the desert.” A light flush rose on Allura’s cheeks- and Keith mimicked it. “Sorry, that was… a little blunt.”

“Forgiven.”

“I just don’t know how to bring that up, how to ask him how he could _forget_ me, when he went through hell. He needs time to recover, and he’s not _getting_ that. God, he’s got to have PTSD or something.” Keith reached up, pinched the bridge of his nose. “And I’m over here upset because he can’t remember that I knew his favorite way to be kissed. I’m a fuckin’ selfish asshole.”

Allura reached out, touching his shoulder gently. “It is not selfish to want someone to remember you, and what you had. It’s admirable that you are worried about his mental stability. I commend that.” She squeezed his shoulder. “I echo your concern for him- even if I may not show it with how I have pushed you all. But unfortunately it is our lives against those of the universe…”

Keith gave a nod. “I understand,” he admitted, “I’m not… blaming you. Even if though sometimes I’d like to.” He flashed a smile, and Allura returned it. “I just… I don’t know how to tell him. And he was so _good_ when I first came out to him- I guess I’m worried somehow it just… won’t be the same. Like the Shiro that’s here, that can stand in front of me- he’s not the same man that fell in love with me.” Keith gave a bitter chuckle. “I can’t even bring myself to say his _name_.”

Allura frowned over that. “But you-”

“ _Takashi_ ,” Keith said, “Shiro is part of his last name- it’s what most people called him. But… I called him Takashi.” Keith couldn’t keep himself from smiling over that- the name making his lips tingle, making him feel fuzzy down in his belly in ways he missed.

A final squeeze to his shoulder, and Allura pulled her hand away. “I believe the man who loved you is still there,” she offered, “the Shiro I have met is… a good man. However, your silence is now mine.” She reached up, drew a small X over her lips. “As we said when I was a child, _sealed until the treasure is revealed_.”

Keith quirked a brow, and Allura grinned.

“The _x_ was always used to mark treasures in maps and games- the saying means we do not speak until the treasure- our knowledge- is already known to others.”

“Back on Earth, _x_ was used to mark treasures too. You’d say _x marks the spot_.” Allura giggled, and Keith felt himself chuckling.

“Funny how alike our people can be.” She reached over for his pile of clothing, picking up his shirt and offering it to him. “Dress before you grow too cold. I can help you.”

*

Allura took Keith down to the medbay. Past a few chambers, and she was bringing the computers to life, reaching out and swiping through images and words that displayed before her. “Our people are indeed alike,” she said again, as Keith stuffed his hands into his pockets, watching, “this concept is not foreign to me. I had a playmate as a child who, until she was seven and told everyone otherwise, was classified _male_.” She paused, clicking on the hologram and dragging a few words into a list. “It is nothing strange and honestly, that your people seem to have negative reactions regarding _genders_ and the fact that we do not always match the original concept of them, is perplexing- and disheartening.”

“Trust me, a _lot_ of people have some negative thoughts on it.” Keith shifted, taking a step closer, his scars beginning to itch. “It’s why no one knew- I was male on paper and as far as everyone was concerned, and they didn’t need to know that didn’t mean _cis_.”

Allura clicked her tongue. “It is still… sad to think there are worlds like that.” She clicked another hologramed button, before turning, heading off towards one wall. it had come to life, a number of machines coming to life, lights blinking. Keith headed over, but remained a few steps back, as Allura tapped at the glass of a small chamber, before it opened. She plucked something from it, holding it between thumb and forefinger, and walking towards Keith, holding it up for him to see. “As I said, Alteans do not have the drastic difference in estrogen and testosterone that humans have- but we do have some. And when we need to adjust those levels, we have these.”

She reached for one of Keith’s arms, tugged his hand from his pocket and dropped the tiny chip in his hand. He stared at it- so small he could only make out its shape, none of its details. “What is it?”

“It’s a small nanochip that will replicate production of the hormone you desire. It can also help to decrease production of hormones you do not desire- it simply has to be programmed before inserted. The castle has basic knowledge of human biology- I used the levels it recommended, but if you find it is not enough or too much, I can adjust it as need be.”

“Where does it _go_?”

“Typically we inject them into your arm, and it will be slowly absorbed into your body. It is packed with enough hormones to last well over the week it takes to fully sync with your body.” Allura gestured towards one of the long examination chairs within the room. “Do you trust me?”

“After all this?” Keith asked, “More than you’ll ever know.”

*

Allura had made a very small incision, one that had taken only a few stitches to close up. She had taped a bandage over the arm, then wrapped it for good measure, considering Keith’s amount of movements for training. And all the while, she had talked about this girl from her childhood, until Keith swore he could picture her- her smile when her hair grew out long enough to braid, her joy when she and Allura were the same size and could share dresses.

He went to bed thinking how different life might have been, if he had been born on this side of the stars.

And when he woke up, redressed, and made his way out into the world, he felt… better. A part of him wanted to blame the fact that his body was no longer in testosterone withdrawal- but when he sat down at the table where his fellow Paladins were already eating breakfast, and Allura gave him a tiny, knowing smile- well, he was sure it wasn’t the only thing to blame.

“Someone slept in,” Lance teased, across the table, “What was that about lights out the moment your head hit the pillow?”

“Why do you think I over slept?” Keith asked, leaning his elbows on the table. “I was just sleeping so damn well. Jealous?” Lance frowned, opened his mouth to retort- but Shiro was reaching over, a hand on Lance’s arm keeping him quiet.

“Not today you two,” he warned, glancing between the both of them. “We have a lot of work to do. Keith- hurry up and eat, we need to get to our Lions and get a start on the day.”

Keith gave a nod- looking down at his plate of- lord what _was_ it again?- nothing all that appetizing, before glancing to his side again.

Allura was watching him- and her smile had faded away. Her mouth was a stoic, set line- but those galaxy eyes, they told him just how sad she was, over his silence, over the fact that she now too understood what he had lost, with Shiro coming back.

Because she had to understand how badly it hurt for him to smile and act as if everything was as it had always been.

He grabbed his spoon, moving the globs around, before setting it down and deciding against eating. He pushed his chair back, his fellow Paladins already up and heading for the exit. He went to move around the table- but when he reached the head a hand was grasping his sleeve, holding him back. He looked down, but Allura wasn’t looking at him- she was simply looking forward.

Her hand moved down his sleeve, her fingers dusting his wrist for a moment. “Someday,” she whispered, “I hope you say his name again. And I hope he smiles how he used to, at you.” She glanced up, and those eyes had seen lifetimes and agony and _so damn much_ that Keith forgot to breathe. “I hope he loves you as he always had.”

Keith didn’t have words- his throat closing up. All he could do was nod, before hurrying after the others, not wanting any of them to question what the princess could have stopped him for.

He hoped against hope that she was right- that someday, Shiro would kiss him and smile against his lips like he used to. That someday, things would be right again.


	11. don't let this be an end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's quite a jump here for the final chapter. This takes place after episode 9 but before episode 10.

Keith stared into the training room, watched as Shiro balled his Galra hand into a fist and slammed it into a training bot. The tech flew backwards, crashing to the floor,a s Shiro turned, taking a step away, rolling his neck and _waiting_ for it to get back up again.

He’d been in there for two hours. He hadn’t _stopped_.

Keith sighed, glancing away, feeling tight under his skin, _anxious_. Everyone was on edge, and no one wanted to _talk_ about it. How the ship had tried to kill them, how Allura had had to kill her father’s memories- how they had each faced something that had wanted to end their lives.

If anything, it had made Keith even more anxious to get close to Shiro, to curl his hands into his shirt and stare into his eyes and truly _ask_ if he didn’t remember. All this time together again- and still _nothing_?

He’d thought about it, on long nights. Thought about prodding, about just opening up- but everything had happened so quickly. The Balmera and then the ship and now- now he didn’t know where he stood and if he was even standing on  _anything at all_.

He turned away from the glass, leaning against the wall and folding his arms. They could have died- they could die any damn time they climbed into their lions, but _that_ , the ship- it had made it all seem so damn real. And Keith, he didn’t want to die without at least _trying_ to get back to Shiro, without trying to crawl back into that head of his and understand a little.

Shiro didn’t even _talk_ about his captivity, and Keith just wanted him to open up, to let him back _in_.

He was lost in thought when the training doors opened and Shiro finally walked out. There was sweat clinging to him, his tank top soaked in places with it. Keith could see it beading on his neck, as the older glanced over at him, gave him a nod. Keith returned it, the silent greeting, before Shiro asked, “where is everyone?”

“I don’t know.” Keith didn’t give more, because he truly didn’t- and he figured they all deserved some privacy. Shiro frowned, but didn’t say a word, moving to walk past Keith. He was halfway down the hallway before Keith shoved off the wall, jogging to catch up. “Where are you going?”

He was going the opposite directions of their rooms.

“To check on Allura.”

 _Oh_. Keith fell in step with him, trying to think if he had even _seen_ Allura that day. She hadn’t been at breakfast- but breakfast was a joke. Shiro had walked through the room, glanced at him with these gun-cold eyes and _left_ , Pidge wouldn’t say a damn word- if anything, he’d been _happy_ to have Lance chattering.

Shiro opened one of the doors, leading into another hallway, and Keith swallowed. He swore Shiro was avoiding him now, refusing to look at him for more than a moment, and- “Shiro, listen, can we-”

Keith broke off when Shiro opened the door to the control room and walked in, ignoring him completely. He huffed, frowning, before he followed. Allura was seated at the center, staring up at the map the ship had provided her- dots for planets and stars all around her.

“Princess,” Shiro offered, walking over and crouching down next to her chair. Allura turned, glanced at him, before she looked back up at the sky. “Allura… how are you-”

“Do not ask the question,” she warned, though gently, “because you will not like the answer.” She reached up, the back of her hand touching his cheek, and when she turned, she glanced further back, saw Keith.

And her eyes were so damn _sad_ , suddenly.

“Can we do anything?”

Allura kept the back of her hand pressed to Shiro’s warm cheek, dragging her eyes back to him. “You can live, Shiro,” she whispered, “live when so many others cannot.” Her pretty eyes dragged from him back to Keith, locked onto his and, he swore, bore into his soul. She pulled her hand away, letting it fall to her lap, and after a moment Shiro stood up, bowing his head. He turned, glanced at Keith, moved to walk past him- “Wait.”

Shiro paused, and Keith, he still stood facing the back of Allura’s chair.

“Keith, can you stay?”

Shiro glanced at Keith, and gave him a nod, reaching out to brush his shoulder. His hand clamped down, squeezed- and Keith swore for a moment he looked confused, sad too- before he was pulling away, leaving the room completely. Keith walked over towards Allura, moving to the side of her chair and dropping down on his knees, folding his arms on the rest and leaning his chin onto it, looking up at her. She didn’t look at him, at first- was simply staring up into the space around her.

And then- “There.” She pointed to a small, glimmering spot, and Keith’s eyes followed to it. “That was Altea. Before Zarkon.” She smiled, her hand falling down to her lap. “When I… disconnected my father…” she paused, shook her head, “no, no, when I _killed_ his memories, they all flooded me. Moments of our past, of _my_ past.” She turned, looked at Keith, before she was suddenly moving, pushing herself up from the chair. Keith leaned back, nearly losing his balance as Allura reached behind her, working at the zipper that held up her dress.

“Princess?” he asked, confused. Allura’s dress edged down her shoulder blades, before she turned, clutching at the neckline.

“We’re alike,” she offered, her eyes shimmering- and god, what had she _seen_? “You and me- we’re the same, Keith.” Keith pushed himself up, as Allura tugged her dress down, completely off one shoulder. The swell of one small breast was exposed, and he wanted to avert his eyes for her privacy- but she was turning her arm, baring the tender underside-

Where there was a small incision scar. Keith paused, his eyes going wide, and Allura reached out for him.

“That girl I spoke to you of- who cried when she could braid her hair, who borrowed my dresses? I lied. There was no other girl.” She paused, the corners of her eyes growing wet, “ _There was only ever me_.”

Keith stared at that fine scar for another moment, before he was moving. He wrapped his arms around Allura, dragged her in, nestled into her hair as she clung to him, shaking.

“Seeing myself when I was so young- seeing how my father loved me, and how his love never changed…” she swallowed back the tremble to her voice, “I thought of you, of how your world does not love the way it should. I saw myself and in me, I saw _you_.” She clutched tighter, turned to him- and suddenly her mouth was to the corner of his, chaste and sweet. “I told Shiro to live- but for him to live, _you have to live as well_.”

Keith looked into her eyes- those galaxies, those endless pits of space and time and stardust, and Allura reached up, cupped his face.

“Don’t let him forget forever,” she whispered, “don’t live in this agony. He loved you once- he will love you again.” Her fingers curled gently. “We have lost so much, all of us. We will lose more- don’t let this be a loss. Don’t let this be an end.”

Keith stared at her for a moment longer, before her arms fell around his neck and she tipped back down, pressing her face into his shoulder. He clutched her tighter, rolling her words over in his mind-

 _Don’t let this be an end_.

*

Keith hurried through the hallways, his breath coming in quick puffs. Allura was right- if they had learned anything recently, it was that they were living on borrowed time.

And Keith- he couldn’t _die_ having never looked Shiro in the eyes one last time and told him he loved him.

He’d risk having his world fall apart if it meant finally having this off his chest.

He paused at Shiro’s door, made a fist and banged on it. “Shiro!” he yelled, hoping he was _in there_. He might have gone back to the training deck- could be out in his Lion, could be _anywhere at all_ -

Except the door opened, and Keith stumbled over a step, glancing up and finding Shiro half naked, staring at him with those gunmetal eyes. “Keith? Is everything alright?”

Keith stared, his jaw going slack, before he forced it shut, nodding. “Yes- no. I… can we _talk_?” Shiro stared at him for a moment, before he stepped aside, letting Keith properly into his room. The door shut and Shiro walked over towards his bed, the towel from his shower dropped towards the foot of it. He leaned up, picking it up and rubbed it along his short hair.

“What do we need to talk about?”

“I- well. There’s just…” Keith paused, licked his lips- fisted his hands and told himself _it couldn’t be an end_. “Do you ever feel like you’ve _forgotten_ something?”

Shiro paused, stared at Keith for a moment, before he averted his eyes. He tugged the towel off, leaving it on the floor now, making a point to stare at the damn wall, and not Keith.

“I’ve forgotten a lot of things I’m sure.”

“But… important things. Or, they _were_ important. Once.”

“You’re talking around something.”

Keith squeezed his fists, dug his nails into his palms. “And you’re being _weird_. You keep staring at me like I’m a damn ghost, and you ignore me- you’re _cold_. What did I _do_ , Shiro? What is going on?”

“You didn’t do anything!” Shiro turned now, eyes wild and confused and- if Keith was honest- _scared_. “Ever since Sendak fucked with my head- since the ship- I look at you and things feel _wrong_.” He threw his arms out, still staring at Keith. “I get anxious and feel like I want to claw my skin off and I don’t _understand_ it. And it’s only- it’s only _you_. With your eyes and your damn _smile_ , and it just…” he let his arms drop. “It makes everything _hurt_.”

Keith swallowed, the lump in his throat making it so hard to breathe. He stared at Shiro for another moment, before he took a single, slow step towards him. And then another- then a quick third, and he was reaching out, grasping his wrists- flesh and metal beneath his hands- and tugging Shiro closer. He leaned up on his toes, crashed their mouths together in a clumsy kiss-

But it still blew his mind. Because for a moment it was everything he had missed, over this past year. It was warm and familiar and Shiro tasted the damn same, and Keith made a little sound, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt Shiro tensing up, pulling away. He tried to chase, but couldn’t, and when he opened his eyes, Shiro was _staring_ like Keith was a ghost.

“I missed you,” Keith mumbled, and he felt like he was cracking in half- but he had to try, to _live_ , to not let this end. He couldn’t be scared anymore. “I missed you so damn much. Please remember something, Takashi. _Please_.”

The sound of his name made Shiro’s eyes light up. He pulled away from Keith’s touch- but a moment later his arms were around him, pulling him in, as he bent down, nuzzled into his neck affectionately. Keith tensed, before he got his hands up on Shiro’s warm, bare back, clinging as Shiro inhaled his scent, before nosing his hair.

Keith didn’t say another word- he let Shiro hold him, wondered what he was seeing inside his mind- what he had _triggered_. He’d seen Shiro when his mind _remembered_ before- when something triggered at his memory loss- but it had never been _good_.

Until now.

When Shiro finally lifted his head, he was staring at Keith with these gorgeous eyes filled with _wonder_. “How did I ever forget you?” he asked, and Keith _smiled_.

“I’m pretty forgettable,” he teased, trying to shift closer. “What do you remember?”

Shiro licked his lips. “Your smile,” he admitted, “bits and pieces. Your hair in the morning.” He reached one hand up, twirled strands around his fingers. Keith could still feel the metal of his other hand pressed to him. “The way you used to kiss me…”

Keith couldn’t stop from smiling. “Give it time,” he offered, “maybe it’ll all come back. I hope it does.” He leaned up on his toes, pecked the corner of Shiro’s mouth. “Or I can recreate all those memories for you, if you want.”

Shiro laughed. “Wonder boy to my rescue?” he asked, and Keith- he _shivered_. Shiro cupped his cheek, studying that face- and then with the most sincere smile Keith had ever seen, “Baby, I missed you.”

Keith couldn’t breathe and that was _fine_ with him.

“You have no idea how much I missed you,” Keith admitted, “how _crazy_ I was without you. I think I would have died in that dessert if you hadn’t come back.”

Shiro leaned in, rubbed the tip of his nose along Keith’s. “I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. I promised I’d come back- I broke that.”

Keith gently shook his head. “You didn’t. You’re here now- you fell down like a shooting star and burnt me to my damn core all over again. And you _remember_.”

Shiro smiled again, and whispered, “Say my name. One more time.”

“Takashi,” Keith whispered, before he got his arms around Shiro’s neck, leaning in to kiss him again. It was slower this time, sweet- was Keith trying to convey everything he was feeling, the relief and the love and adoration and simply how much he had _missed_ this man. Shiro’s hands ran down his back, gripped the subtle curve of his waist and tugged him closer, until Keith was flush to his bare chest. The pure heat there made him shudder, and without meaning to he rolled his hips forward, thinking back to how many times Shiro had held him like this, back before-

When Shiro had held him _down_ beneath his body.

“Sorry,” Keith mumbled, trying to pull back- but Shiro was pulling him back in, crashing their mouths together, more desperate now. His teeth tugged at Keith’s lower lip, and he moaned, shivering openly as those hands slid lower, found the hem of his shirt and then beneath it- Shiro’s left hand was hot, his fleshy palm searing into Keith’s skin-

But somehow his Galra hand was warm too, like the metal didn’t know how to cool. Smooth and _different_ , it rubbed along his waist almost tentatively, before Shiro began to pull it away.

“That… has to be strange,” he breathed, his cheeks tinged, but Keith was shaking his head, reaching down and pressing his hand over Shiro’s right, his shirt blocking the feeling of it beneath his palm. He held it tight to him.

“It’s a part of you,” Keith offered, “I loved all of you then, and I never _stopped_. Just like…” he swallowed, “You loved all of me.”

He paused, waited on bated breath- and god, maybe Shiro didn’t remember any of that, any of the secrets Keith had given him- but then he was smiling tenderly.

“Love,” he corrected, his eyes going soft. “God how could I have forgotten you. How could you not tell me?”

“You’ve been through so much. You… you haven’t _dealt_ with it yet. I didn’t want to burden you… didn’t wanna pile this on top of it too.” Keith shrugged a shoulder. “But… a very smart person told me we’re all living way too close to the end to keep quiet about it any longer.”

Shiro bent down, kissed Keith’s throat. “We are,” he offered, pausing to drag his lips down Keith’s neck. Keith shivered again, tipping his head back and letting his eyes fall shut. “We could die tomorrow.”

“Does that mean we’re living tonight?” Shiro laughed, the kind Keith had missed so much, before he was hoisting him up. Keith echoed it, got his legs around Shiro’s waist and his hands on his shoulders, squeezing as his boyfriend- god, could he call him that again?- looked up at him fondly.

“That was a horrible pick-up line.”

Keith shrugged a shoulder. “I never was smooth. You’re the heart throb, not me.”

“Mmm. Doubt that.” Keith leaned over, kissed Shiro before he could try to argue further. He felt him smiling against his mouth as he turned them, before Shiro bent over, letting Keith slip from his hold onto the bed. Keith sprawled there, laughing, before he dug his heel into the bed, pushing himself back, stretching out properly. And Shiro-

He crawled onto the bed, still half naked, looking all the god Keith remembered him to be.

“Are we… doing this?” Keith asked, his heart in his throat. And he’d be _lying_ if he said he didn’t miss sex with Shiro- so damn _badly_. He’d had too many nights along bringing himself off to every memory he had of the two of them-

But it seemed so damn _fast_.

Shiro crawled over him, kissed him gently. “We don’t have to,” he said, “it’s your call. But…” he bit at his own lower lip, and Keith had to squeeze his thighs together. “I keep _remembering_ you, and lately when I look at you…” he paused, exhaled, “You haven’t noticed…”

“You’ve been _glaring_ at me the past few days.”

“Because I knew there was something _there_ and I couldn’t tell what. It was… frustrating.” Shiro leaned down again, got his mouth on Keith’s neck. “Before that though… I… might have thought about you.”

Keith quirked up a brow. “Oh? Yeah?” Shiro nodded, making a point to hide his neck in Keith’s neck, and Keith chuckled, reaching up to trace his fingertips over his shoulders, along his back. Shiro shivered, moaned- low and obscene and it went _right_ between Keith’s legs. “Jesus. Do that again and I might die.”

Shiro laughed, and it felt so good, to Keith, to hear him laughing in bed again. To just hear him laughing at _all_. “You’re not stopping me?”

“We could die tomorrow,” Keith agreed, “let’s live in the moment.” He hooked a leg behind Shiro’s legs, digging his blunt nails into his shoulder blades now. “I dunno what you thought about- but I can make these fingers _magic_ if you want.”

Shiro chuckled again, before he breathed right into Keith’s ear, “I just want to be buried inside you.”

Keith arched, gasping, digging his nails deeper, until Shiro winced. “Clothes. Off.” Keith barely breathed as he said it, and Shiro pushed up off him, got onto his knees and watched as Keith hurried for the hem of his shirt, squirming as he tugged it up, getting it off over his head and chucking it off the bed.

When he glanced back, Shiro was _staring_ , and- _oh_.

For a moment, Keith was worried that he hadn’t remembered, but then- “You… have scars.”

Keith glanced down, licked his lips, pressed them together. “Yeah…”

“When did you have it done?”

“Shortly after you left,” Keith admitted, “I wanted to be healed by the time you came home.” He shrugged a shoulder, feeling a little strange beneath that stare, but then Shiro was bent over, left hand splaying on his abs, moving up his torso slowly. It moved to his chest, pausing to stroke his scar, and Keith squirmed, shaking his head. “Don’t-” he started, and Shiro pulled back, hand slipping back down to his wrist. “I don’t really… like them touched yet,” he said, and Shiro nodded.

“I won’t forget that.” His hand moved up again, over the scar but not lingering, his thumb rubbing over Keith’s nipple now. Keith hummed, before he reached up, got his hand on Shiro’s peck.

“Not all that sensitive now,” Keith admitted, before he got Shiro’s nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pinching. Shiro gasped, hips bucking, and Keith’s smile turned to a devilish smirk. “You still are though.” He rolled the bud between his fingers, trying to soothe the ache, before he slid himself down the bed, so that he was laying beneath Shiro’s chest. He leaned up, got his mouth around his nipple and rolled his tongue over it. Shiro groaned, grasping the sheet in his hands, as Keith got his hands on the sides of his chest, holding as he worried the bud between his teeth.

Only when he was satisfied with how swollen and red it was, did he move to the other. Shiro continued to whine for him, gasping and panting- and Keith was squirming, wanted him to touch him but yet didn’t want to _stop_. He raked his nails down the sides of Shiro’s chest, got a bitten back cry, before Shiro was wrestling him back down, pinning his hands and keeping him firmly in place with his body weight.

Keith arched, rocked his hips right against Shiro, as his lover- former lover, former boyfriend, _Keith didn’t know what to think of him in that moment_ \- nuzzled his neck, bit at his pulse before pushing up just enough to slide down Keith’s both. He made quick work of opening his belt, and Keith lifted his hips, barely able to breathe.

They were really going to do this, after so damn _long_ -

Shiro’s fingers curled in everything, his belt and pants and underwear, and dragged them down the curves of his thighs. He got up on his knees just to help Keith untangle- and it took a moment, Shiro having to work at the lacing of his boots, tossing them to the floor, before he could get Keith’s pants off him.

By then Keith was laughing. Head tipped back, he _forgot_ for a moment that this was like their first time, all over again. Forgot that he was nervous, and just _lived_ in that moment.

Shiro grinned, and offered warmly, “God did I miss your laugh.” He leaned over, kissed the flat of Keith’s belly, and the laughter choked off, Keith splaying his hands on Shiro’s bed. He nosed down, before curving towards Keith’s hip, spreading his thighs to kiss and lick at the inner skin, making Keith squirm. Shiro smiled, glanced up at him, breathing slowly, stretching back out on the bed and blatantly rocking down into it.

Keith licked his lips, thought he might have said something, but then Shiro was leaning closer, and that was his tongue, tracing up over his lips. Keith gasped, tossed his head back and arched, shaking all over from the single point of contact. His own memory dredged up every time Shiro had undone him with that tongue, and he was opening his own legs, beckoning Shiro forward.

He felt the rumble of Shiro’s chuckle through his breath. “What if I forgot how?”

“I swear to god,” Keith groaned, even as he smiled. He never got to finish, because Shiro gave another chuckle before he was back, tongue pressing past warm skin and flicking over Keith’s clit. Keith shuddered, and no, _no_ , Shiro remembered- or he was remembering as he damn went, but it didn’t matter to Keith _which_.

Because this was the same sort of heaven he remembered. He let his eyes fall shut, reaching down, fisting his hand in the top of Shiro’s hair, pulling gently before _petting_ as his tongue moved in that perfect, merciless rhythm, the same pressure over and over and _over_ again like he knew Keith needed. Keith pushed up against his mouth, held with a firm grip to his hair, and Shiro groaned, the sound vibrating against tender skin.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Keith gasped, and his belly was going tight, the pleasure rolling over him. He never got off this fast, but it’d been _so long_ and- “I wanna come with you inside me.”

Shiro was off him so fast. He nearly jumped off the bed, shoving his own clothing down- and maybe Keith would have laughed at his eagerness, but he was throbbing and god, _Shiro was so damn hard_ and Keith had barely done anything at all.

Keith pushed himself back, spread his legs more and dug his elbows into Shiro’s pillows, watched as he crawled back onto the bed, got on his knees between Keith’s legs. He leaned over, and when he kissed Keith his mouth _tasted_ like him, and Keith whined, licking into it and shivering. He reached up, got his hands on Shiro’s biceps and squeezed- could feel on his right where flesh met metal.

“Don’t make me wait,” Keith whispered, before pinching Shiro’s lower lip between his teeth. “You did enough of that.”

Shiro smirked, reached down and grasped Keith’s hips. He jerked them up, and Keith let go of his arms, fell back and arched, and with a single thrust Shiro was _inside_ him again.

He opened his mouth, cried out as Shiro cursed, leaning over him and gasping. Keith hooked his legs over Shiro’s hips, trying to push down onto him when he began to thrust. It was frantic, almost rhythmless between the two, but _god_ it still felt good, and Keith was shaking all over, couldn’t believe he could feel this good again.

Keith arched again, moaned out Shiro’s name, and Shiro shook, eyes going wide. “God, remember you like this,” he managed, and let go of Keith’s hips with one hand, reached for one of Keith’s on the bed. He grasped him by his wrist, guided his hand down between them, to rest of Keith’s groin. “I know- you can’t get off- like this.” Each few words were punctuated by a hard thrust, and Keith, if he could think, might wonder how sore he’d be later on-

But god it was so good he just couldn’t _care_.

Keith took over, fingers sliding over his clit. He gasped, rubbing the wet, swollen flesh quickly, head tipping back as he fought to breathe. Shiro was saying his name, over and over again, and Keith gasped, arching so far his back ached as he let his orgasm take hold, wash over him. His toes curled and he felt it in his damn bones, body clenching up and releasing over and over and _over_ again, until he fell down limp against the bed.

Shiro fucked him through it, but then moment Keith was relaxed he was pulling out, leaning over him and crashing their mouths together. The kiss was clumsy and frantic, but Keith couldn’t care, so blissed out as he reached up, lightly scratched his nails along the back of Shiro’s skull, into his hair. He could feel Shiro’s hips moving, his cock rubbing just above his clit, the base brushing it and sending little jolts through his body.

And then Shiro was groaning around Keith’s tongue, and Keith felt every splash of his orgasm, hot against his belly. He sighed, shivered over it, let his hips continued to stutter until Shiro was _done_ , his Galra arm bracing him on the bed, the only thing keeping him from crashing down onto Keith.

The kiss broke, both panting, before Shiro leaned his forehead down against him and started to _laugh_. Keith smiled, his own giggles starting until it was full blown laughter, the sound echoing through the room. It felt so damn good that Keith curled his toes again, shifting a little beneath Shiro as he watched the way his cheeks tinged gently, the color blending into the pink of his scar.

“Baby, you could make a man crazy,” Shiro offered, and Keith _grinned_.

“I missed you calling me baby,” he admitted, both his hands rubbing over Shiro’s shoulders now. They eased down, over his arms, one trailing over his Galra arm, fingers playing along smooth, cool metal. Shiro glanced over at it, and before he said anything, Keith said, “I doesn’t bother me.”

“It should.”

Keith frowned, shaking his head as Shiro pushed himself up, knelt between Keith’s legs. “It’s a part of you. And you’re still the man I fell head over heels in _crazy_ for.” Shiro was quiet, and Keith sat up, grasped his right hand and pulled it to his face. He nuzzled his palm, kissed it- and _liked_ the way metal felt under his mouth. He trailed his kisses up Shiro’s fingers, before opening his mouth, sucking two in.

Shiro’s eyes lit up, his mouth parting in a small breath. “Okay,” he managed, voice cracking. “Baby I believe you.” Keith pulled off, smirking, and Shiro added, “You’ll make me want to go again and I’m still shaking.”

Keith giggled, chose to tangle their fingers together, pressing his palm to Shiro’s. “Maybe give me a few minutes. It’s been a while and I might feel this later.” He shifted, glancing down, “And maybe let me clean up the mess you made.”

Shiro blushed again, and Keith could barely contain his grin. “I couldn’t… you know.”

“Oh my god, don’t go soft on me now.” Keith leaned in, kissed Shiro’s warm cheek. “Think Allura has space condoms floating around here somewhere?”

Shiro choked, and then suddenly he had his arms around Keith, the both of them crashing onto the bed. Shiro rolled onto his back, kept his boyfriend laying on top of him, as Keith squirmed, before he folded his arms, rested his chin against Shiro’s chest. “I missed you,” Shiro said, softly, and Keith rubbed his foot along one of his calves.

“Trust me,” he said, “You have no idea how badly I missed you.”

Shiro was quiet for a moment, before, “You left the Garrison-”

“Not right now.” Keith inclined his head slightly, still not lifting it from Shiro’s chest. “Please, Takashi. Not right now.”

There’s be time later, to explain to Shiro how desperate and lost he had been. There’d be time to go over the finer details, the things still hazy in Shiro’s mind. There’d be _time_ to relearn every bit that had been forgotten.

But for that moment, Keith wanted nothing more than to look at Shiro, and know that the man looking back  _remembered him_.


End file.
